My girlfriend Angie is throwing herself a “Divorce Party” and making a really big deal out of it. She wants to travel to Vegas and make it like a batchelorette party with ten women, except celebrating her divorce.
Angie has changed since she and her husband Dan separated and not for the better. She speaks poorly about him all the time including in front of her kids. I am still friends with him as he is a good friend of my husband, plus he’s just a nice guy.
This divorce dragged on for almost two years so I can understand why she is glad it’s over, but her attitude about this party seems really vindictive, or at least the evite (electronic invitation) does. I’m attaching a copy.
We’ve been friends for over 20 years and she expects me to go but I don’t want to so I’m not going to.
My question is should I lie and just say I can’t go because of another commitment or should I tell her what I really think? What I really think is she is embarrassing herself and she will regret it someday.
Thanks for giving me more information to round out the edges of this story. Folks, behold Angie the Gay Divorcee:
1. She has basically relinquished her role as a mother and is partying and traveling a great deal with her new boyfriend, a man who has glommed onto her with dollar signs in his eyes. Most of Angie’s friends consider him to be a pig of the highest order.
2. The divorce dragged on because Angie was incensed her husband dare leave her despite that for years she treated him like the human equivalent of the jizz and sunscreen skimmed hourly off the water at the Vegas Hard Rock Paradise Pool.
Her anger led her to fight with him on every issue: child support; spousal support (lazy bitch); assumption of marital debt; and all the other various and sundry fun topics that arise during a divorce.
Last but not least, she demanded custody of Francis the family cat and promptly had Francis euthanized when he needed a $200 operation. Lest you think I lack empathy for those who struggle with tough financial calls when it comes to pet care, please know Angie is not short on funds, just basic humanity.
3. Angie has not only trash-talked her ex to all her friends but she has taken to social media to express her dislike of the man who (ostensibly) fathered her two children. She has revealed secrets about their marriage and made life in their small city very uncomfortable for Dan and the kids.
4. Ah, the evite! Isn’t it hilarious? Angie drafted up an invitation clearly inspired by ISIS (or is it ISIL? I can’t keep that shit straight) that not only purports to celebrate her divorce but also jokes about decapitating her husband.
Here, let me show you the photo she used:
Can we take a quick sidebar and discuss a Robin Rant for another day? When violence is depicted against women as a “joke,” the depicter is labeled a misogynist who will be mercilessly shamed into immediately (and insincerely) apologizing.
However, violence against men as a joke is FUNNY AS SHIT! See photo above and several I will leave at the bottom of today’s blog. Yes, you have to read all the way to the end.
Kate, I commend you for not wanting to take part in this ShitShow but I have to urge you: please use your words and tell Angie why you won’t be flying to Vegas so she can make a fool out of herself. You owe it to her, you owe it to her kids, and you owe it to her husband: a man you told me is a hell of a nice guy but couldn’t deal with Angie’s special kind of crazy anymore.
While I usually recommend these types of difficult conversations take place one-on-one and in private, this party and the invitation containing a diminutive description of her husband’s trouser monkey demand a little old-fashioned public shaming.
I’m really into public shaming these days. Look for more on that in my next book: Things I Do to Embarrass Shitty People in Public.
Happily, you can shame Angie in your RSVP comments. Would you like a script? Please feel free to copy/paste, but be sure to send my managers $3.00 for the licensing fee.
I know going through a divorce must be very difficult. I also understand why you may be feeling a strong sense of relief that your two-year nightmare is finally coming to a close, although you seem to not understand it was your actions and those of your overly-aggressive pit bull lawyer that delayed your final divorce decree for so long.
I am happy for your entire family that your divorce is now complete. However, I cannot and will not participate in this “celebration” which reeks of petty bitterness and immaturity rather than genuine acceptance of your impending single status and a positive outlook for the future. The invitation in particular is offensive and I shudder to think of the tens of thousands of dollars in therapy Dan will be shelling out for your kids if they ever see this piece of trash.
Robin DesCamp tells me the opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s indifference. Your pathetic attempts at celebrating your new “freedom” come off like the desperate cries of a woman who refuses to let go of her broken marriage.
You would do well to email robin (firstname.lastname@example.org) and ask for her help in dealing with your anger and unresolved feelings towards Dan. After all, he is (ostensibly) the father of your two children.
Lastly, your new boyfriend is a gold-digging swamp rat who gives everyone the creeps. Nice job moving him into your new house the day after you left the family home. I’m sure your kids aren’t confused one bit!
Regardless, I wonder what impression he has of this party in Vegas and your continuing vitriolic attacks against Dan online and through gossip. I for one would sure be concerned if my husband was obsessed with an ex the way you seem to be.
Please think of your children and reconsider your behavior. Dan may have terminated you from your job as a wife, but you still hold the incredibly important position as Mother and you have no right abdicating your duties in that role.
The damage you are doing will live with those kids for the rest of their lives unless you reverse course now.
OK, I’m going to get a lot of hate mail from readers so I will tell you the above message can also be softened and sent in a private email. Sigh…I hate it when I have to play nice.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope you will follow up with me and let me know how it goes.