Friday Feedback! Why You So Mad, Yo?


Welcome to Friday Feedback, our weekly hacking up and spitting out of the reader critique phlegmball.  This week we are pleased to announce the reappearance of a former commenter who has written us under a new name.  That cheeky little monkey is apparently unaware that her IP address remains the same, despite her choice of a new moniker.



I think your constant lecturing on people getting along with their ex spouses is stupid and lame and doesn’t take into account that most people get divorced because they don’t like each other – duh.  My ex-husband cheated on me and ended up married to a woman 20 years younger and he looks like a fool.  Tell me again why I should be nice to him and his child bride?  Our kids are adults so who cares?  Of course, your husband is a lot older than you – did you steal him from his real wife?  Go back to being a lawyer because your advice is shit.  Go screw yourself.


-First Wife, Only Wife



Dear FWOW:


Let’s address your critique in the order in which it appears, because I have a raging headache and need a numbered list to keep myself organized today.



1. If you find my “constant lecturing” on establishing and maintaining positive post-dissolution relationships both stupid and lame, I am having a bit of difficulty understanding what leads you to my blog so often.  It’s not that I mind your readership, I am just struggling to understand why a woman as intelligent and insightful as you would subject herself to the whimsical musings and hackneyed advice I render on a nearly-daily basis.  

You might want to talk to someone about your obsession with me.  If you’d like some free advice on this unrequited love, feel free to drop me a line!


2. I can’t imagine why your husband cheated on you and is now wed to another woman.  You seem so nice.


3. You and your girlfriends may think your husband looks like a fool with his younger wife, but for every judgmental hag giving him the side-eye, he’s got four golfing buddies giving him a high-five and asking him to remind them what sex feels like.


4. You should be nice because your kids would be less miserable if you tried to get along with their father and his wife.  If you care not about the happiness of your children, please carry on with your current paradigm of anger, envy and self-righteous indignation.  Yes, they are adults but remember: adults have feelings too!  We know you have lots and lots of feelings, don’t we?


5. Not only do you read my work but it seems you may have done a little additional digging for information about me.  Yes, Mr. Patience and Understanding is older.  

His “real wife” is me, and since I can’t steal him from myself unless my multiple-personality disorder acts up again, I’m going to have to answer your question with a “no.”



While I do not believe any person can be “stolen” from another (we are humans, not handbags) I hope it will please you to learn that Mr. Patience and Understanding was quite single when we met and experienced the Best First Date Ever. It probably won’t please you, however, because it doesn’t suit your narrative.

Readers, if you haven’t checked out this old blog of mine about a really bad date and the best first date ever, be sure to click.  It’s a good one and every word of it is true.  I have lived an often-strange life at times.


6. I am honored that you took the time to give me career advice (awesome script-flipping and role-reversal, sister!) but let me assure you: my legal work was even worse than the shit you subject yourself to every time you point your browser in my general direction.  


Besides, returning to the practice of law is not an option.  I quite purposefully burned every bridge possible so I could never go back to an unhappy career.  I’d tell you to do the same (find your passion and work hard at it) but I have this niggling feeling that your idea of “work” is organizing your shoe collection, stalking your ex-husband’s wife on Facebook and watching the mailbox for your alimony check.


7. Given our apparent lack of chemistry and the fact Mr. Patience and Understanding is righting the world’s wrongs in court right now, I may very well have to take the action suggested in your last sentence. **sigh**


8. Finally, while I appreciate your almost-weekly commentary on my terrible advice and general awfulness, you should know that changing your name does not hide your IP address, meaning that although I don’t know your real name, I do know that First Wife, Only Wife is the same writer as “Anonymous” and “Betrayed” and “Best Mom.”  Just a little technical FYI for ya there.


-Your Favorite Pastime, Robin


Dear Robin:


Spot on, as usual!  I have a friend who posts photos on Facebook and Instagram constantly!  I want SO BAD to send her your post but I’m afraid she’ll get really offended and then probably post my message to her on Facebook too!  So many of us are really annoyed with her always snapping shots and putting them on the internet.  Last week she posted 20 pictures of us at a BBQ and spent the whole night on her iPhone.  Anyway, awesome post!


Cathy in Seattle


Dear Cathy: thanks for reading Facebook Photos!  


My dear brother John will tell you that I myself have been guilty of this crime and it can be a tough habit to break.  However, I do think you should take the advice I gave that day and have a sit down with your friend.  Please do it and let me know what happens!



Ok friends, I am supposed to be working on my book here at the Oregon Coast, but alas I have found myself in the company of good people, wine and food and have not accomplished all that I should have.  I am off for a 5-miler down the beach, 25 push-ups at each mile, and then off to pick up Mr. Patience and Understanding who is fighting the good fight down the road in Astoria.  


Once again I need to ask you for your letters.  Surely something is bothering you?  Everyone has problems!  Please email me at and let me help you help yourself.


Finally, I implore you to share the blog link on your social media and convince people to sign up via email on the home page.  I can’t do this thing without a little help from my readers, so if you want to see me go to the next level and get that radio gig, please give me a little plug in whatever medium you feel is appropriate.


Love and laughter from Gearhart, Oregon,



photo 1photo 3photo 2queenie

This Post Has 9 Comments

  1. echinachea

    Yowza! “First Wife/Anonymous” etc. etc. has a real anger management problem! If she doesn’t like her ex, why is she so upset by his choice of his second wife? Oh well, you akways handle thesemrants brilliantly, so let her stew in her own sour juices, and be glad you don’t have to live inside her miserable head:)

    1. Debbie

      The age thing is BS. My parents were 18 years apart and had a great marriage. My mother divorced her first same age cheating husband. If someone divorces a person they don’t get along with and marries someone of a different age, what is wrong with that? If you are in love with a person older or younger, and the relationship works, I say enjoy life and if others are filled with rage and jealousy, too bad.

  2. John

    Awesome post today. I assure you the golfing buddies ARE high fiving that guy

  3. echinachea

    Sorry for the typos! Damn iPad “keyboard.”

  4. YouCanLeadAHorticulture

    It must be fun inspiring that kind of rage in someone you don’t even know, but from the tone of the emails maybe you do know this person in real life. Those photos are gorgeous, your hair looks lovely at this longer length!

  5. raftman

    Priceless and perfect response to FWOF….gratefully, you won’t have her pestering you for too much longer because she’s going to be utterly and totally consumed by her rage. Only a small & very bitter pile of ashes will remain.

  6. Tamsen

    Wow, FWOW is indeed a piece of work. My hunch is you know this person, and she was probably drunk and alone in her miserable 5,000 square foot kitchen when she wrote that. I wonder what kind of broomstick she rides. PS. Who has the little Pomeranian? That’s not Margot or the Asshole.

  7. Tamsen

    And oh my, I was laughing hysterically at “lube dude”. I know EXACTLY who that is, and who else he used to seriously date, and in fact took the Grammies. Charming pair they were.

  8. Sara Monterossi

    All I know is if I ran into the woman my ex husband cheated on me with I would kiss her on the mouth and throw her a party. Best thing that ever happened to me. Love the blog!

Comments are closed.