Dear Readers and future members of the Church of AskDesCamp (tax-exempt donations being accepted now):
I am very sad to report I received no hate mail this week. Zero. Nada. Zilch.
Mr. Patience and Understanding doesn’t get why this bothers me, and has told me he doesn’t enjoy the hate mail because he dislikes me being attacked. I, on the other hand, love the hate mail. When I receive “critique” from angry readers, I know I am both touching upon something important AND getting people to read my blog even if they dislike me, what I am saying or how I am saying it. This is the Howard Stern Effect, and since I intend to achieve all sorts of success this year, I am buyoyed by nasty letters. I must be doing something wrong this week.
I did receive one scathing email this week, but I decided not to use it in the blog because it had nothing to do with my writing or my radio appearance. However, I will say that this poorly written and paranoid late night diatribe from a gold-digging feeble-minded high school dropout did give birth to the best insult I have crafted in some time:
“As much as it would please the old me to pluck the low hanging fruit of failure and whoredom that is her life and serve it to her in a pie of despair and truth, I’m not going to. It’s enough for me to know that she will have to ask someone to explain that sentence to her.”
I am all sorts of awesome. Shall we proceed to the love portion of today’s blog?
(Sent via Facebook messenger)
Yo! What a trip this am. I have the day off and fell back asleep to wake up around 10:15amEST. Perusing FB I see you link, click on it and within 2 minutes you were on! Money timing….perhaps serendipitous. Any ways. Great job. Your voice is absolutely perfect for radio and you nailed it in the confidence, humor and edginess categories. In fact it sounded more like it was YOUR show than theirs. It was obvious they took you off your game by asking tangential questions instead of letting you nail your points (e.g. the facebook food to cooking segue). That said – GOOD WORK. Now…what is next? Go Big. I am not sure what angle you are considering, but I’d love to see you go towards the very intelligent, self effacing, pop culture and tech savvy, raw female voice of the 35-55 crowd. Make people get real about what it really going on out there. The facade! The fake bullshit everyone is putting forth when either Rome is burning at home or its a wine fueled bacchanal . I’ve got a lot of ideas for you. Maybe I should just start by asking a damn question of Descamp. Go get em.
Thank you so much for your feedback. I know you live in NYC, so can you please stop by Howard Stern’s studio and ask him to have me on the program? I think we’d hit it off. Also, I love your initials.
Love you to bits,
I just want you to know that I think you’re really, REALLY funny! Your writing is amazing. I don’t always respond to posts, as I’m usually on FB for very short increments, usually running through an airport, but wow, you’re funny! I hope you’re making money with your blogs and radio show. You deserve to!
Thank you! I am honored that someone so busy still takes the time to read my blog and to write me such a nice personal message.
The money is pouring in so fast that I can’t keep track of it.
I’m investing in real estate and sex toy companies to diversify my holdings, but if I don’t dial back the cash tsunami soon I may become spoiled and indifferent to the suffering of the little people. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen – it sucks when people get cocky and forget where they came from.
(Comments left in response to: I Snooped)
“Parking his Weiner Mobile in your garage” “Snatch Batch” Ha! You continue to amaze me oh Advice Goddess!
Dear AF and WF:
Not much to say but thanks so much for reading and commenting. Comments are really the lifeblood of a successful blog and I need to get people to leave more of them. It creates a community and buzz, so thank you for leaving your thoughts, especially when they are complimentary!
OK folks, I have a couple requests:
1. Please continue to send me your questions. My new website will have an anonymous chat feature but in the meantime just take a few moments to create a fake email account if you don’t want me to know your name. By the way, the website will be up and running soon, so stay tuned for a new and improved AskDesCamp!
2. Please please please share my blog with your friends and anyone you know in the entertainment industry. Bill Feingold, radio star extraordinaire, told me I was good at this and would be successful on the radio. I believe him, but I need all the help I can get. He is a great example of starting over in life – he was formerly in the finance world and ended up in radio after getting positive feedback from some guest appearances.
Now he and Kevin Holmes (pictured above) have a VERY successful show and I intend to achieve the same here in Portland and in the future via podcast or sirius radio once I become a national phenomenon. I’d like to stay on the radio but as all of you should know by now, I have a bit of a potty mouth.
This was the most fun I’ve had since I discovered my ability to achieve multiples. I’d like to thank them both again for having me on the show twice. Please be sure to subscribe to their show by clicking here: http://www.943knews.com/common/page.php?pt=knewsondemand&id=34301www.943knews.com
Wow – I just realized this blog has been really clean today. Let’s end it with a dirty joke:
A teenage girl asks her dad if she can borrow the car. Her dad says “Ok, but you know what you’ll have to do for it,” so she starts to give him head but stops quickly and says “your dick tastes like shit!”
Dad says “oh, that’s right; your brother has the car!”