For Love or Money?

Dear Robin:

I can’t believe I am writing to a stranger for advice, but a friend in the alimony reform movement turned me on to your blog and I like your style.  Maybe you can help me with a decision I’m stuck on.  After 10+ years at my current job, I feel like I have burned out on the lumber industry and I’m pretty sure I’ve gone about as far up as I can in the company.  Even though I outperform many of my colleagues and superiors, getting a raise or a promotion has been like pulling teeth.

A couple months ago, I started putting feelers out, and I ended up getting a great job offer in a different but related field working for a large home builder.  The position is very different from what I have done in the past but I’m really excited about it, and I think it will be challenging and rewarding.

When I told my boss I was leaving, he urged me to reconsider and he offered me a big raise to stay.

So, Robin, my problem is that I can’t decide what to do.  Staying would be easy because I wouldn’t have to learn a new job or industry, plus the money would be better than the new job.  My wife is very angry that I am even considering leaving now that my company has put this new offer on the table.

The thing is, I am really excited about the new job.  I haven’t been this amped up about my career in years.

I told my boss and the new company I’d give them my decision on Monday.  What should I do?


Dear Torn:

By all means, go for the job that pays the most.  Haven’t you heard?  Money = Happiness.  Case in point:









Your current job reminds me of a dead marriage: you are getting by, but you aren’t appreciated or acknowledged for your contributions.  When you ask for what you need and deserve, you get the stiff arm.  That is, until you threaten to leave.  Suddenly, the romance is back and your boss is offering you the equivalent of a blow job for a man in a dead marriage: a nice big raise.

(By the way ladies, when is the last time you did that?)


One thing that really annoys me about people who bitch and moan when their spouse leaves them is that so many treated their partner like shit for years, and then they are shocked when they leave.  Your company has been like a frigid wife for some time, but they like what you do for them financially, so now you get the oral.  Don’t expect it to continue for long.  If you stay, you will fall right back into your current state of dissatisfaction with your job.

When I emailed you to get a little more information, you told me some things that are pertinent to raise here.  First, the job you are being offered at the new company offers a very lucrative salary, though your company has put about 15% more on the table.  

In addition, your 2 kids are in college and you have already saved more than enough to get them both graduated.  You told me more about your wife’s very strong opinion that you should stay where you are because it pays more, and that this has been the source of several fights in the past week.  Finally, you told me your wife does not work and has a maid clean the house and do the shopping once a week.


If your wife wants to increase the household income, she can get off her ass and get a job.  The difference between the old job and the new is $35,000/year, so I suggest Mrs. Torn dusts off her resume and removes the Pampered Bitch coat she has been lounging around in for the past 20 years.

I implore you: take the new job.  Throw yourself into it and stretch your comfort zone way beyond what you have done for the past decade.  Is it a guarantee you will be a success?  No, but I am certain you will be far happier and have no regrets in the long run.  


Churchill opined that “success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”  So, Mr. Torn, go for it with enthusiasm and the understanding you are taking a risk that may not pan out.  I’m not really a betting gal, but I’d put my money on you.  Please let me know what you decide and how it all turns out.


P.S. Please let me know if you’d like some marital advice too, because honey, there is a serious imbalance in your relationship.  I’m here for you!

Dear Robin:

My wife has announced she wants to leave her profession and write for a living.  I’m worried about her.  She’s obsessively checking her “blog stats,” whatever that means, and she hasn’t made any money since she started.  I want her to be happy, but I think she is kidding herself.  Frankly, I’m afraid she may be losing it.  She isn’t educated in the field she writes about and her tendency to use a lot of profanity will probably limit her publishing options.  What should I do?


Dear Worried:

No sex for you tonight!



This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Ali Whiting

    Absolutely agree with the advice given. Frankly, you do more, give more and are happier when you are fulfilled at work. You should have already been earning over $35k more than what another company is willing to offer an unknown who has a great deal to learn. Kick them to the curb. BTW-Prissy pants needs a job. Either way-fire the maid and reduce her allowance.

  2. The Hedgehog

    I’m leaving a reply for the Worried Fella who feels his wife is going off on a lark (or off the deep end for that matter). You should stop being such a Doubting Thomas. It’s obvious that Robin, ooops, your wife has the skills necessary to pull this off. My wife writes for a living, too. She now gets to pay herself a whopping $1500/month from her business. Between our wives, we should be comfortably retired on about the 4th of Never. Just be a supportive, loving husband and you’ll reap the benefits. Remember: Happy Wife = Happy Life.

Comments are closed.