(Readers, please forgive formatting problems. We are working on the problem!)
My problem started about 5 months ago. I have a hobby (I prefer not to identify it to protect my anonymity) I’ve really gotten in to over the last couple years. Like most hobbies there are plenty of Facebook groups out there for mine and the pages I was part of were full of drama.
There were lots trolls, keyboard warriors and other general fuckery so I started my own group with strict rules. In five months time our closed group has over 2000 members in it. We have met up for functions around 18-24 times. I have made decals for the group and they have shipped all over the states. People dig it. I hear frequently that my group is the best one out there.
Suddenly I’m popular in this community and as a result I get friend requests on a daily basis which I’ve accepted without thought. Now I have tons of friends on Facebook that I find completely disparaging to society as a whole.
Should I clean up my Facebook friends list? My feelings on the matter are this…I have met lots of these people personally. Some of them are great people with horrible world views. I feel like letting them look into my world may be the only shot they get to see things through a separate pair of eyes. Maybe, just maybe they might become a little more open minded by seeing my side.
Or should I just drop the ban hammer on these ass clowns?
I will very briefly address your question and then turn your attention back to me. Lest ye hath forgotten, this blog is all about me, not you (I’m Colin the shots here!) but I’ll show you the kindness of solving your problem.
Nice Try, Colin
I commend you for your efforts to educate those whose world views are, shall we say, “troublesome.” For example, you have a friend who thinks the President Obama-as-a-chimpanzee cartoons are hilarious and some who advocate Trump’s recent double down on inhumanity and unconstitutional dick moves (proposing muslims be banned from the US).
It was a lengthy exchange that was kept calm and collective. He started out by wanting to wipe out the entire middle east. I used Hitler and history to reason with him. Showed him that the Pope was blessing the Nazis.I was able to reason with him that just because a majority thinks in one way or the other does not make it right. Long story short: in the end he agreed that the extermination of a race of people was not the answer.
Why do I call this the “Trump” move?
Because the slang I really want to use is “pussy,” but I’ve decided to take back that word for women. In fact, I am hereby taking back all the iterations of vaginal insults.
Brace yourselves, sensitive readers. If the certain arrangement of consonants and vowels works you into a lather you may want to go read Caroline Hax’s column instead.
I could go on, but those are the most popular versions of a vaginal insult: the attempt to degrade someone, often a man, by comparing them to a Lady Hot Pocket of Love.
It stops here.
It stops now.
I would never call Donald Trump a cunt, pussy or twat because he possesses no strength, flexibility, warmth, or depth.
As of today, I declare it illegal to use any vaginal insult when seeking to describe someone as cowardly, obnoxious, rude, obstreperous, ugly, or for any other put-down. Instead, one must use “Trump, “Trumpy,” “Donald,” “Donald Trump,” and “The Donald” to make one’s point.
In the event Trump’s name sickens you to the degree you cannot utter it, please feel free to substitute with “Ted Cruz.”
(Speaking of Cruz, see my mini-rerun at the bottom of this page. I do make myself giggle from time to time.)
Donald Trump: the Biggest Trump on Earth.
Trump is a draft-dodging coward. He is a gutless wimp who purchased his three wives (two of whom were foreigners, proving once again it takes immigrants to do the disgusting work Americans won’t). Trump’s purpose on earth is now the division of this nation into two groups:
- Those who abhor him; and
- Those who don’t.
If you are in Group #2, kindly fuck off in another direction.
I freely admit I too am a coward who never joined the military. The difference between me and Trump is that I am not currently advocating the wholesale slaughter of millions in the Middle East, nor am I advocating boots on the ground in yet another American Adventure in Sandy Democracy.
I am a proud atheist who will always advocate for freedom of religion, even if I think religion is a nutty little practice that has led to more evil than good over the centuries. Freedom to practice your religion, so long as you aren’t hurting anyone, is a constitutional right and a human right as well.
Trump is an angry and worthless half-eaten rotten cantaloupe with less world knowledge than a squirrel home-schooled by an English Muffin.
He is a Trumpy Donald who has no grasp on the difference between fascism and democracy. He has no concept of the difference between what he wants to do and what can actually be done by the President of the United States. He is dangerously stupid and obscenely arrogant – a narcissist of the highest order.
My theory on Trump is that his parents loathed him, especially his father. Trump spent a lifetime chasing after love from a man who refused to give it to him because he knew his son was “not right.”
As a result, Trump grew to hate humanity because his father’s love was the one thing in the world he wanted. His father’s love was free – but he couldn’t have it.
He couldn’t buy it.
He couldn’t take it.
He couldn’t touch it.
He’s the biggest piece of stinking shit on American soil right now and his followers are Trumps too.
All of them.
And that leads me here:
I’m Done with You People
Unfriend me on social media and more important, in real life.
This is too important.
We have come to a time in American history in which it is no longer enough to sit silently by while our “friends” and their political heroes advocate the murder of Syrian refugees, the banning of certain religions, the instigation of carpet-bombing programs, and the marginalization of entire groups of people.
Especially galling is when these Donalds jump onto my Facebook page and try to spread their fear and hatred all over it, like a mental patient smearing his feces on the walls of his rubber room.
If you Trumps want to spew your garbage on your social media sites go for it, but don’t come into my house and shit on my table. That’s just poor fucking manners.
I unfriended someone from high school last week after reading yet another hysterical screed on Syrian refugees and a “news report” reposted from a website that makes Fox News look like NPR.
Looking back, I scolded myself. I had unfriended her years ago because of her racist rants against President Obama and her other political views that were all the more astonishing because she works as a health care provider. Her father, a German immigrant who lovingly displayed his Nazi memorabilia to anyone who would look at it, raised his little Aryan apple right.
I suppose I should blame her upbringing for her twisted world view, but I’m a big believer that at some point, regardless of our history, we become who we are.
When she sent me a friend request again a few months ago, I accepted. Nostalgic memories of beach trips and keg parties fogged my judgment. No longer.
In parting, I suggested she look into acting classes so she could better feign empathy, compassion and concern to her patients.
She was not amused.
What a Trump.
Ted Cruz Announces Diagnosis of Hyperbosyphillis; Nation Concerned.
After decrying the Supreme Court decision on gay marriage as “one of the darkest 24-hour periods” in US history, Republican Ted Cruz was urged to seek medical help. He underwent a complete brain scan and anal exam (conveniently located in the same spot on Mr. Cruz) at the Mayo Clinic. The results were disturbing.
Mr. Cruz regrets to announce today he has been diagnosed with a severe case of “Hyperbosyphillis.”
Hyperbosyphillis begins with the chancre of diety worship and is later characterized by incoherent ranting, unreasonable feelings of persecution, swelling of the hubris, a hot and burning fever in the genital region when handsome men are within groping distance, and a pus-like odiferous ooze of paranoic discharge foaming from the severely-pursed and preternaturally tiny lips of the word hole.
There is no cure for Hyperbosyphillis, but happily, it is fatal.
Unhappily, the condition can linger for years before victims are finally felled by the disease, meaning the true victims are those of us sharing the planet with the infected.
The diagnosis will not impact Mr. Cruz’s ability to run for or secure the Republican nomination.
Mr. Cruz’s analysis of Friday’s landmark SCOTUS decision is, per usual, spot on.This reporter did a quick inventory of U.S. tragedies, none of which rose to the level of allowing people who love each other to get married and divorced like the heteros.
Not-So-Dark Times in America (as if!)
- Lincoln killed
- Pearl Harbor bombed
- JFK killed
- MLK killed
- RFK killed
- University of Texas shooting
- Space Shuttle Challenger disaster
- September 11, 2001
- Sandy Hook
- Charleston shooting
- San Bernardino terrorist attack
Lest we forget:
The darkest 24-hour period in America:
When Mrs. Cruz laid in bed too long instead of her usual hurried application of a poisoned douche, thereby allowing Mr. Cruz’s homophobic, paranoid sperm ample time to fertilize her hateful, angry egg.
Oh wait – that happened in Canada.
Donald Trump is investigating. Updates as they become available.