To Shave or Not to Shave (Years), That is the Question

Dear Robin:

I am a 64 year widow. I am ready to start dating but I’ve got a problem before I even start.

My daughter suggested a dating site so I’ve begun the process of setting up a profile with her help. Last week we got into a debate and she suggested we toss it over to you. By the way, I made her a huge fan so you’re welcome!

My question: is it ok to shave a few years off on a dating profile? I don’t want to brag but I’ve kept myself in great shape and just between us girls had a little work done. I’m attaching a photo.  Most people think I am in my early-to-mid- 50s.

I think it’s a bad idea but my daughter says some men will balk at dating a woman over 60 so I should list my age around 56-58. She says most men are dating younger women and this is just part of the baiting process and once they get to know me they won’t care.

She also said I can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, which was sort of hurtful.

OK, wise sage, what do you say?


Dear Janice:

Thank you for turning your daughter onto my blog. I always love to get new readers, especially ones who so clearly will be sending me loads of letters in the future.

I say that because your daughter has a tenuous relationship with honesty, which is such an important characteristic that this will certainly lead to plenty of problems in her life. Please have her put my email address in her “favorites” folder and my phone number on her speed dial.

In deference to my good friend Arlene, who over cocktails Friday told me I tend towards verbosity, I’ll keep this short. But first, let’s talk about me.

I was on for a while after my divorce. Man, what a trip.

Dating Sites: Good News, Bad News

The bad news is I went out with a lot of creeps, including this guy: Best and Profoundly Worst First Dates Ever. 

If you are considering not clicking on that link, you are missing out on an uproarious laugh today.

During the few short months I swam in the murky Match pool I discovered that people on dating sites lie, and they lie a lot. Dating site contestants in the game of Score-a-Mate lie like mercenary divorce lawyers who claim to foster “child centered solutions.”

These people lie about stupid things like their age and they lie about important things, like whether or not they have children or are still married. Or separated.

Many men I dated on lied, including one who was still very much married and living at home (no wonder he didn’t have his picture up!) and one who had three children versus the none he listed on his profile.

I also dated a man who claimed to be 6 years younger than he was. To his credit, he was very handsome and could easily pass for his Fantasy Age.

To his deficit, he was a public figure whose age was easily discovered via the Google Machine. Adding to the hilarity: his job was to be the lead spokesperson for an entity that often had terrible PR problems.

In other words: the man whose credibility was essential to his very public position was lying about his age in a fairly public forum.

The good news about Match is twofold:

1. I gathered data for hilarious blogs and cocktail party stories; and

2. That’s how I met Mr. Patience and Understanding.

I’ve digressed a bit.  Sorry, Arlene.

Back to you, Janice.

Your daughter is probably right that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, so if it’s a fly you want to date then by all means do whatever is necessary.  

You know what else flies are attracted to, right?


The comparison of your age to vinegar (“bad”) as opposed to honey (good) is downright offensive, and I am a hard woman to offend.  

Your years on this earth spent working, taking great care of yourself, loving your family, and raising your children is what made you into the interesting, active, attractive and vivacious young old woman you are today.  Your age should be celebrated, not masked in a lie.  You are fabulous!

You don’t want a fly. A horse’s ass doesn’t want a fly.

Come to think of it, the most expensive balsamic vinegar can set you back well over $100 per ounce. Even the best Yemeni honey doesn’t come close to that.

As for the “baiting” process, if it’s a fish you seek I suggest your local market but I rather doubt you intend to take a fish to your next charity fundraiser.  I don’t mean to carp but you cod do better, so take the oppor-tuna-ty to stop being koi and find your sole mate!  

At least mullet over.



You also don’t want a man who would date you if he thought you were 58 but not if you are over 60. That man’s depth is comparable to the tear puddle I made when I found out my Chihuahua Archie’s likely lifespan is about 9 more years.

You want a fully-formed human man that won’t immediately discount women over a certain age. You want a fun, intelligent partner to spend time with and with whom to explore the next phase of your life.

You want a man who would find the idea of lying about his age or anything else at the very outset of a relationship unthinkable, because if someone is lying to you before you even meet, how likely is it they will be truthful with you during any relationship that may develop?

Advice (let’s finally get to it, shall we?)

Be honest about your age.

Be honest with your photos.  

Be careful and be safe.  STDs are on the rise in your demographic.  Thanks, Viagra!

Have fun.

Expect nothing.

Be open to everything.  Well, maybe not everything.

Please report back and let me know how you are doing.  Best of luck!



This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. Kathy

    I feel you are, as usual, absolutely correct in advising honesty from the start in any dating situation. Most budding relationships won’t survive the first lie, as it raises the question “What else is he/she lying about?”

  2. A Loyal Fan

    Damn you Descamp – have you no concerns about your effect on other people? Here I am at home, in seriously terrible back pain (and I never complain about my aches and pains), and I’m laughing so hard at your bloody fish jokes that between each laugh, my back is spasming and I’m crying out in pain. And I’m only 18. OWwww!

    1. Admin

      I don’t often make fish puns unless they pertain to the scales of justice but I decided to go for it yesterday, just for the halibut.

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