Falsely Accused of Abuse

Dear Readers:

Yesterday I posted a very troubling question from a man who, during his highly contentious divorce, is being falsely accused of child abuse.

In case you missed it I’ll run it again:

Dear Robin:

I am going through what is best described as pure hell. My wife filed for a divorce and when I didn’t bend over immediately and agree to all her demands, things got ugly.

As I type these words to you I still cannot believe this is happening to me. She and her lawyer have recently accused me of physically and sexually assaulting my daughter. Words cannot describe the horror of these accusations which are absolutely false.

My wife hinted that her lawyer is an “expert” in these tactics and if I would just agree to their proposal all this would go away.

I am now being investigated by the police and the state and I know they will find nothing because I have done nothing wrong but in the meantime it is all I can think about. My girlfriend is an attorney and she suggests suing my wife once all this is over for the false claims, defamation, and whatever else we can think of.

What would you do? And do you think I need a criminal defense lawyer?


Because of the serious nature of this letter and the numerous possible legal issues, I am gathering more information and will respond as soon as possible.  In the meantime, I have a couple updates:

First, someone emailed me and asked,

“How do you know this guy is being falsely accused?  Maybe he is abusing his daughter, in which case you are on the wrong side here!”

This is a very good question that reaches beyond this letter in particular to all the questions I receive.

How do I Know “Accused” is Innocent?

I don’t.  

But that’s not my job.

My job is to engage with a letter-writer as deeply as I can via emails and phone calls (or in-person when they live here) to make a determination on whether they are being truthful with me.  

I have an extremely sensitive bullshit detector and people who know me will attest I can sniff out the truth faster than The Divorce Lawyer Who Shall Not Be Named can sniff out a looming inheritance, a Grey Goose martini, and a greasy pork sandwich.

There are certain aspects of this situation I cannot share because Accused does not want me to, but I can tell you the evidence of his innocence is overwhelming and the only evidence of his guilt isn’t evidence at all – it’s simply his angry wife’s accusation.

Assumption of Veracity

From a larger perspective, I have to assume letter-writers are being truthful with me unless and until I see indications to the contrary.  

I’m not Wonder Woman and I have no Lasso of Truth, although I’d pay a pretty penny for one.


In the end, it doesn’t really matter.  If a subject is worth examination I’ll examine it.

For example, regardless of whether Accused is innocent, I know false allegations of abuse happen in divorce.  I know because I’ve seen documentation proving as much – plenty of it.  I know lawyers who specialize in this most mercenary mendacity. 

Therefore, this is a good question for us to consider.

Second, I received several emails with suggestions on how Accused should handle this problem.  I want to encourage all of you to continue sharing your messages with me either privately (robin@robindescamp.com) or you can leave a comment.

I hope to have this question answered very soon.  Thank you for your patronage!


This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Kristi

    While I have no advice, I have seen this happen before and I just wanted to tell him to not give up hope. Pull up those Iron-Man Panties (you will need them) and keep your head held high.
    If it was ME, I’d sue for defamation and anything else once this was over. There’s one thing you don’t touch (pun intended) is my children. Emotionally or physically. What she is putting those kids through is disgusting and the issues it’s going to cause with family and friends can ruin his entire life.

  2. Keith Stone

    I spent many hours (countless)…and still do after divorce dealing with a drama queen that likes to make shit up.. now that being said I wish I had these pieces of advise early in the process…

    1. I’m not religious, but read the story of Job. This is the mindset you have to assume because it is pure hell, and you will survive…
    2. If you did nothing wrong, find strength there.
    2. Stop caring as much and get emotionally stabilized, don’t let her push your buttons – prepare to fight back.
    3. Be glad you are divorcing this person – she doesn’t deserve you, your life will be better, it will.
    4. DO NOT AGREE TO ANYTHING IN WRITING BETWEEN LAWYERS IN THEIR OFFICES. Go to court and tell a judge your story…
    5. Put on your seatbelt, its the ride of your life.


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