Fishing for Catfish and Trolling Trolls: You Do NOT Want to Miss This
Dear Readers:
Once in a while, your favorite blogger and righter-of-wrongs needs a break from the usual routine and an excursion into another writing genre.
Today is one of those days.
Today, my friends, I give to you the latest version of “Robin Fucks with Scam Artists.”
The Nigerian Scam is so well-known that it hardly works anymore. In its place, among many other types of ruses, is what I call the “Romantic Facebook Con,” hereinafter referred to as the “RFC.” This scam is also known as “Catfishing.”
The RFC goes something like this (although there are countless variations):
- Woman of a Certain Age (of which I am apparently now one) receives a Facebook friend request from Man: a stranger and usually decent-looking Gentleman of a Certain Age.
- Woman accepts friend request, because women are trusting, open, and a little bit dumb.
- Man initiates messaging conversation immediately.
- Conversation leads within minutes to Man’s pursuit of a romantic relationship with Woman, usually through broken english that is both endearing and ripe with comedy opportunity.
- When the time is right, Man suggests a visit to Woman’s hometown. I have found the relationship can travel from “accept friend request” to “arranging a visit” within just a few message exchanges.
- Woman accepts this request to host Man, because women are trusting, open, and a little bit dumb.
- Something goes awry in Man’s travel plans mid-trip and he needs Woman to bail him out because his credit cards have been stolen.
- Woman makes whatever financial transaction Man is requesting because women are trusting, open, and a little bit dumb.
- Man disappears, Woman realizes her folly, and nobody makes a Love Connection.
- The next morning, while licking her wounds over coffee, Woman accepts a friend request from Man she doesn’t know, because women are…well, you know.
From time to time I accept such friend requests just to see how much fun I can have with a Catfish who thinks they have their pole in my pond (!), when in reality it’s the other way around. Turnabout is fair play!
Last Friday was such a day.
What follows is a series of screenshots illustrating my love affair with “Martin.” We laughed, we cried; we experienced all the highs and lows of a 20-year marriage in just five hours.
Monday can be a tough day, so read on and start your week with a laugh.
This may be more easily viewed on a larger device. Also, please excuse duplicate messages and my typos, which are bound to happen when you are creating RFPA (“Rapid-Fire Performance Art”).
That’s what I call it, anyway. Mr. Patience and Understanding calls it “wasting time,” but he doesn’t realize this is all part of my Big Plan.
The Introduction
Getting to Know You
Photos Taken off Internet to Bolster Claims
Robin Drops Well-Moneyed Info
Man Wants to Talk on Phone; Robin Demurs
After all this Time Knowing Each Other, Man and Woman Should Meet!
At this point I guessed on FB that he would google “best things about Portland,” and that’s exactly what he did! To prove I’m right, I challenge you all to google that phrase and see what you come up with.
Robin Initiates the “God Question,” a Good Fodder-Generator
Robin Drops Further Well-Moneyed Info; Razzes Horrible Organizations Just Because It’s Fun
Man Ignores My Request Not to Call; Calls Anyway (this happens five times)
Robin Pulls Photos Off the Internet; Two Can Play at This Game!
Robin Shares a “Secret” to Gain Further Trust of Man
Man Continues to Insist on Speaking by Phone
Further Photos to Support Veracity of Robin’s Well-Moneyed Claims (Pittock Mansion)
Man Disappears to Create Apprehension in Woman
Man Returns; REALLY Wants to Talk on the Phone
Man Accuses Woman of Not Existing on the Plane of Reality and Authenticity as He Does; Things Get Weird
Waiting Day is Up, Whatever that Means
Robin Posts Public Facebook Update in Hopes of Getting Martin Back; Is Not Successful
Naughty Martin is Too Stupid to Delete Another Robin’s Post on His Page
Conclusion
If you enjoyed this, please share!
Coming up later this week (amongst other subjects):
Anatomy of a Disaster, Part One, Scene Three: The Box, The Lies, and the Unraveling.
If you have not read the series yet, please click the links below:
3. Let’s Get Something Straight
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“… because it is in Texas”. So true.
I was stuck in Texas for 3 whole hours once due to a flight being diverted, it was a bloody nightmare, still get shivers when I think about it, ugh.
Please try and catfish some more, that was hilarious but I cannot imagine any woman wanting to be involved with such an illiterate pratt! You ran rings around him Robin. 😉
That was the most fun I have had in a long time! I love your style and cleverness!
He “neva” met anyone…hilarious. No picture with his thumbs up this time???
I hate improper grammar too!
I love your catfishing recounts! Who falls for this stuff? Sorry to hear about Fred…
Love it!!!!!
As a former Nigerian Vice President myself, I really enjoyed this!
Poor Fred. And poor, dear, sincere, sweet Martin. Robin, this was hilarious and potentially a little scary. I mean, do these people ever get nuts? Or do they just move on to the next target? Yikes.
He is most likely sending me messages from a goat farm while sipping his morning whiskey and eying with an appreciative lust the new stray dog that has wandered onto the property. So no, I’m not worried.
My favorite episode from Seinfeld is when he asks the telesales person for THEIR home phone number so that he can call THEM back when it’s convenient for HIM. While this isn’t quite the same thing. It would fun to try. Nice to see someone f*ck them back!!!
His Facebook page shows that whether he will pursue you depends on your name. He’s following 57 people (56 women and one man), including 6 Robins, 5 Micheles, 4 Wendys, 4 Chloes, and 4 Sarahs. Had your parents named you Esmeralda, you’d never had the chance to make his acquaintance. In his place, I’d be worried about whether, if he chases you, he’s likely to follow Fred.
Oh, Lawdy. I spent another two hours reading past blogs after this. I can’t quit you, Robin.