We Interrupt this Blog for an Important Message.

Dear Readers:

Today’s blog was supposed to be “No-Call, No-Show,” a letter from an ex-Scientologist describing a very flakey friend. Why is it relevant she is an ex-Scientologist?

Trust me: her status as a former cult member is strongly connected to the current conundrum she faces both with the flakey friend in particular and forming new relationships in general.  And there is much more to this story than that.

As we emailed back and forth, her answers to my questions led to more questions and answers and so on and so on and so on.  Our exchange continues this morning, so there is no way I’ll be able to finish my advice to this woman by posting deadline (11:00 a.m. Pacific).

Because I hate to leave my lovely readers without their (nearly) daily dose of Robin, I’ve decided to post a brief update about my blog the other day: Scientology Party.

Update #1: Don’t Worry; I’m Fine

If you’re an avid reader here you know part of my unique process and connection with my audience is my willingness to filet myself before you all.  I’ve written about many very difficult times in my life and I do so in hopes my experiences and the lessons I’ve learned from them can be helpful to others.

I received several messages from concerned readers inquiring whether I was doing OK, both because of the Scientology Party post and the one I wrote about my first rejection from a book agent which you can read here: The Problem with Being Me.

Please know this, my friends:

I won’t write about a personal issue unless I’ve either solved it or I am making significant progress towards a solution.

This blog is neither a pity-party nor a bitch-fest.  It’s a gathering place for people who want to laugh, learn, share, and grow.  When you see me exercising my tendency toward personal revelation/emotional exhibitionism, do not assume I am troubled over a problem.

To the contrary: when I show the worst of myself it is usually because I know the best of myself is arriving in bits and pieces every day, like body parts to a morgue after an especially terrible plane crash.

Yeah, that was pretty awful.  Sorry.

Update #2: The Irony 

You can’t escape the irony of that post and what followed:

I publicized my disappointment (or as the kids say these days: butthurt) over not receiving a “proper” thank you for my party from the guest of honor, only to receive a lovely expression of thanks from him about 10 minutes after my blog went online.

I was horrified and embarrassed.  The point of the piece was to express my realization that kindness should be its own reward, not to elicit the thank you I claimed I didn’t need.

Sigh. 

Also ironic: 

Since Tony Ortega is a well-known figure (especially right now) people may come across that post when searching for him on the Internet and think less of him because of my whining.  I’ve written in praise of him before, I think he’s great, and yet my latest work could lend the impression he’s a bit of an asshole.  

In fact, a high-ranking Scientology spy googled “Tony Ortega” earlier this week and saw my party post.  He contacted me and asked if I’d be willing to attempt to seduce Mr. Ortega and publicly blow up his marriage in revenge for the alleged snub, suggesting I purchase a sexy nightie from Victoria’s Secret1 and attempt a Skype2 call with Tony which would be monitored by the cult.3 

Clearly the spy hasn’t seen me in a nightie.

Closing Bullet Point List because People Love Bullet Points

  • I’m fine, really!  
  • Thank you to those who reached out.  Those communications warmed the cockles of my cold, black heart.
  • Tony Ortega was a gracious and entertaining guest.  He actually did thank me that night with a lovely book inscription.  As far as I can tell from our interactions, he’s a fabulous guy.  If you read my blog and thought otherwise, please don’t.
  • Tony wrote an awesome book, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely, and you should totally buy it.  Buy ten copies and give them out as holiday gifts!  I’ll make it easy on you and give you the link to Amazon, where the book has a five-star rating: Buy Tony’s Book!4
  • You will note I wrote “holiday gifts” instead of Christmas gifts.  I did so because I am declaring war on Christ, Christians, Christmas, and guys name Chris. Pissing off the religious right is an awesome way to increase page views.

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1Victoria’s Secret: the first product placement is free.  Please contact my managers for advertising opportunities or at least send me a nice bra.

2Skype: the first product placement is free. Please contact my managers for advertising opportunities or at least make my connection better and add a “pretty and young” filter.

3That’s “satire,” Scientology spies and agents with the Office of Special Affairs.  Please don’t sue me and give me a bunch of free publicity for my blog.  Please!

4That Ortega motherfucker better promote my blog now if he knows what’s good for him.

This Post Has One Comment

  1. Cathy

    I can’t stop laughing. You are so very funny. The $cientologists will not get it: the part about sue me and drive my stats up. They’re all about the foot bullets.
    I agree with you about Tony Ortega. He’s wonderful.

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