Update From London, Part II

London, England
September 13, 2014

Disturbing new details have come to light in the ongoing investigation of the “DesCamp Incidents,” including information about additional sites where the crazed American criminal terrorized the city of London prior to her apprehension and current stay at her majesty’s pleasure in the Tower.

Alleged “advice writer” Robin DesCamp traveled from the States to London with her soon-to-be-second-ex-husband Tom Sand, also known as Mr. Patience and Understanding for reasons which should be obvious unless you are daft.

Mr. Sand was in London for his induction into the American College of Trial Lawyers, an exclusive and highly-regarded group of American and Canadian litigators who conduct an extensive investigation on each proposed inductee and maintain a very strict membership requirements list.

“Clearly the ACTL will take a look at its membership standards and exact a similarly rigorous test on proposed members’ spouses,” noted outgoing President Robert L. Byman.

“While it is unfortunate that this incident has necessitated such a change, we believe the reputation of the College is at stake. It goes without saying that Mr. Sand’s membership has been revoked, although we do sympathize with his situation.”

Early reports indicated Ms. DesCamp caused three separate incidents, but late yesterday afternoon the fuller story began to come into focus revealing a far wider swath of damage and poor manners from one end of London to the other. Witnesses say the first signs of trouble arose in and around Whitehall.

At approximately 8:30 a.m. Ms. DesCamp was seen rattling the gates of 10 Downing Street and taunting the guards by repeatedly shouting, “Bring me Bush’s poodle!”

Reports are conflicting as to whether or not she called them “tossers” and hurled a Frappuccino towards them, but all accounts agree she did not appear to be in full control of her faculties.

When told by guard Troy “Fritzy” Fitzhugh that Tony Blair no longer occupied the position of Prime Minister, Ms. DesCamp was reported to be distraught and confused, and accused the guard of feeding her a “load of codswallop” before she disappeared into the streets, narrowly avoiding being struck by a taxi and heading for Kensington Palace.

“She told me Prince Harry had invited her for tea,” DesCamp’s husband said. “I thought she was joking, but perhaps she was delusional. I just can’t make sense of any of it.”

Prince Harry again declined comment, likely because he was too hungover.

More on this story as it develops so stay tuned…