I have had a very close friend (Meg) for years. We flirted with the idea of dating but never did because we were usually both in other relationships and because over time we realized our friendship was not worth risking if a romance didn’t work out.
We have seen each other through some really tough times, especially the death of my brother last year and my divorce right before that. She is very important to me.
I started dating someone I really like a few months ago (Karen) but she is very jealous of Meg and doesn’t think it’s OK for us to spend time together if she isn’t there. They met and it was a disaster so it’s not like the three of us will be hanging out. Last weekend was the kicker after I had lunch with Meg, didn’t tell Karen about it but she found out and blew up.
She has told me she wants me to choose, but how do I do that? A little help here? By the way, love your new website!
Dear Gutless Wonder:
Thank you for praising the new website. Unfortunately, it has been plagued with technical difficulties since the launch, so:
1) you may be unable to read this, which means I’m talking to myself; or
2) the site has been inadvertently translated into French et vous êtes très confuse.
Since people tell me I am long-winded, you are the fortunate recipient of AskDesCamp Expedited Advice℠ today, and it goes something like this:
Ted, you have to dump that bitch, STAT.
She is controlling, insecure, selfish, needy, and suspicious. That right there is the Perfect Storm yet you sail blithely on into the churning waters of a Dreadful Future. Here’s a list of why she sucks and should be unhooked and thrown back into the Sea of Despair:
WHY KAREN SUCKS AND MUST BE DUMPED
1. You told me she looked at your phone when you were out of the room and saw your text confirming lunch with Meg. When she freaked out you quite correctly pointed out you had merely not told her about the lunch, as opposed to lying about it, but she claims the two are the same thing;
2. You have only been dating for 5 months and she is already overly-clingy and demanding of your time.
3. She is attempting to sever a relationship you’ve had for years – one that has gotten you through some treacherous times and which has also allowed you to be a supportive rock when Meg needed you.
Does she want to get rid of your dog too? Has she asked you to stop speaking to your parents? You have kids with your ex-wife and lo and behold – Karen hates her too! Do you see a pattern here?
Make no mistake about it, once you give in and dump Meg for this meddlesome twatbucket, your other relationships will be next, including your kids.
You’ve got more red flags waving in your face than you’d see at a Mao convention, so RUN, FORREST, RUN!
Isolating people from important relationships and extreme and irrational jealousy and suspicion are key indicators of abusive behavior. It’s only going to get worse, my friend.
While I have a few men in my life I count as very close friends, I hereby dedicate this column to Philip H. and Mr. Patience and Understanding: Philip because he is the most dependable, insightful, honest and loving friend a person could ever have, and Mr. Patience and Understanding, because he would never dream of being jealous of our friendship.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
Corinthians 13:4-8 (New International Version)