I received an email a few days ago from a woman in North Carolina who has been reading me since almost the day I began. She said tuning in to the words I write (nearly) every day is one of her favorite activities and she was very grateful I am doing what I’m doing.
Yes, I advised she seek help and a more interesting existence immediately.
She said she pictures me writing in a room with a large red-haired DICK voodoo doll sitting on my desk and wondered if I’d send her a photo of my office. After I was sure she wasn’t a super-creepy fan like some of my favorites from Florida, I told her I would.
Unfortunately, I felt compelled to clean it first. That took a while, so I’ve decided today to give you all a glimpse into my inner sanctum-onious via a video. Want a peek into my little world? Click here!
Immediately after I stopped shooting that short video, I started another so you could see how poor Margot has to suffer with Archie the Drunken Chihuahua. You can view that here
Request for Help
Readers, I need a favor from you all. I am taping a sample podcast soon for a LAB (Los Angeles Bigshot) and would like to interview someone notable (besides myself, because that would just be more of me talking to myself and I hear enough of that all day long).
There are thousands of you out there reading this right now and I know someone has to know someone who would be both willing to be on the podcast and who has name recognition.
Because I believe chemistry matters, this must happen here. I will fly the guest to Portland first class and put them up at the Heathman for the duration of their stay, not to mention I’ll cook dinner for them as well.
So? Anyone? Anyone know any “people who matter?” (to quote a woman who told me in a text rage that “all the people that matter hate you,” to which I responded, “you are too stupid and drunk to know you just complimented me”).
If you do, please forward them this blog and encourage them to be episode #1 of what is going to be the new national pastime:
Huge “gets” include but are most certainly not limited to:
- Tina Fey
- Mark Maron
- Bill Maher
- Seth MacFarlane
- Adam Carolla
- Ricky Gervaise
- Chris Rock
- Jordan Peele
- Dr. Drew Pinsky
- Kim Davis
- Danny DeVito
- David Sedaris
- Idris Elba
- Whoopi Goldberg
- Jason Beghe
- Amy Poehler
- Bill Cosby (I will mix my own drinks, thank you)
- Amy Schumer
- Donald Trump and Sarah Palin (we will have word salad for dinner)
- Larry David
- Judge Judy (I have a severe mid-life career-switch crush on this woman)
- Oprah (shoot for the stars, you just might hit the moon)
I have to stop writing now because I must prepare for my meeting so please spread the word and make our pilot podcast a great one!
Have a wonderful weekend and in case I haven’t said so in a while, thank you so much for your patronage. It’s been two years and almost five months and things are now heading in a direction I never could have let myself wish for.
Here’s a special shout out to Mr. Patience and Understanding: the foundation upon which I am able to stand and deliver these words as I seek a joyous career and a chance to help people. As people begin to recognize him on the street and in restaurants, he is as confident as I am that all the work is coming to fruition, if not a little embarrassed at all the attention. And sympathy.
Now get out there and share this so I can schedule my first guest!