Friday Feedback! You (me) are Going to Hell!

Welcome to Friday Feedback, our weekly peering into the seedy underbelly of anonymous online criticism and nice things written by my family.  Time is short, so let’s get a move-on!

Dear Robin:

You must not know that Jesus died for your sins, much as the American soldiers are dying in the Middle East for your freedoms (I noticed you have posted some anti-war propaganda on your blog).  You are a healthy and intelligent young woman who should be using your writing talents to bring people to the miracle of Jesus Christ and Christianity.  You have time to repent and a voice with which you can urge others to do the same.  If you don’t, I fear for your everlasting soul.  Please recant your treacherous and blasphemous opinions and join us!

-Follower of Christ

Dear Follower:

Thank you for your concerns about where I will end up whiling away my eternity.  It warms my heart that you took the time to compliment my health (wait, what?) and intelligence, not to mention your overestimation of my reach and influence.

c

I have to say, I’d be a little more receptive had you not combined that praise with a decidedly negative review of my content and the threat of everlasting damnation if I don’t join your Jesus clique.  Damning with faint praise, indeed.

Regarding your first point: I’m not buying it.  I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t die for my sins.  I was nowhere near Haditha (thounds like I’m lifsping!) at the time of the incident – I wasn’t even a regretful flash of horror in my parents’ eyes yet.  That would come later, circa 1969 AD.

badseed_shot8l

My sins, awesome though they may be, don’t warrant someone dying for them and if they did it should surely be me who suffers the consequences.  Asking Jesus to die for my sins is kind of like asking American soldiers to to die in some god-forsaken shit storm in the desert because I can’t live without my gas-guzzling SUV (I totally can’t, by the way – sorry, soldiers).

war-for-oil

See what I just did there?

Besides, why would Jesus sign up to die for my sins, anyway?  We aren’t even on speaking terms, much less close.  Honestly, it sounds like he has a bit of a martyr complex.

-Robin (not a Follower, but a LEADER!)

Dear Robin:

LOVED your latest.  How is it that the militant people of faith (any faith) are so incredibly intolerant of, and hateful to, people who don’t share their point of view.  You can’t find anything in the teachings of Jesus, Buddha or Mohammed that would justify this kind of behavior.  In fact, both the Buddha and Christ stressed compassion and love for others above all the other commandments:

“Master, what is the greatest of the commandments?”

“There are two great commandments: Love the Lord thy God with your whole heart, and mind and strength.  And the second is like to this: Love your neighbor as yourself.  On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

-JBD

Dear Dad:

Aw, thanks!  One question though: what if you don’t love yourself?  What then lies in store for your neighbor?  Do they get your eating disorder and propensity towards abusive relationships by proxy?

loveneighbor

Agh: too much to think about on a Friday.  And stop trying to show me up with your deep thinking.  This blog is a pointedly shallow affair: no smarties allowed.

Dear Robin:

Your mom edits my quarterly newsletters.  She used to be more ruthless about this, but has long emphasized avoiding verbosity, or – put another way – say more, with less.

Your posts are entertaining, intellectually stimulating, hilarious, rude (in a good way), offensive (ditto), profane and informative…..but they frequently go on for far too long.  My letters used to routinely run 3-4 pages, they now usually run a page or two – and not one of my clients has complained.  It’s clear from their feedback that more of them are reading than did prior.

I know you received this complaint before, so it’s overkill, but though you stated you received the complaint – the length of your posts seem about the same.

There are thousands of outlets vying for the eyes of readers on the internet….people are busy, time is precious.  If you can say more with less, you’ll capture more of those eyes you’re so desperate to attract.  IMHO.

-Uncle Paul

Dear Uncle Paul:

That was a lot of words you just used to instruct me on brevity.

Pot_Calling_the_Kettle_Black_T-Shirt

I do appreciate the feedback, but I’m having somewhat of a meta moment, because I got the following critique from my mom, also known as the editor of whom you speak:

Dear Robin:

I strongly disagree with any suggestion that you shorten up your responsive advice. It is all well written and hilarious, yet also helpful to many. Your style is your style. It is unique and perfect. Of course, this humble opinion is coming from someone who is just finishing up (and enjoying) a 750 page novel. It is also coming from someone with a personal bias vis a vis the blogger.

In your face, Uncle Paul!

Happy Friday, everyone!

Love, Robin

This Post Has 5 Comments

  1. John Meaney

    Oh my. To piggy back on a more intelligent individual’s comments, I want to ask why anyone feels the need to tell others what religion, how much religion, or which religious beliefs others should heed? I am of the opinion thought that, in our country, we’re all supposed to be free to practice (or not) whatever beliefs we may hold… and let others do the same.

  2. echinachea

    Oh man! I have to laugh when proseletyzing takes the inappropriate form of hate mail–judgmental and ignorant hate mail at that! On the editing front, here is something I have heard often from my youngest child: “Don’t put me in the middle!” Good comeback using editor’s prior comment to counter editorial advice. What can I say, other than to note that the investment newsletter is, for the most part, a serious and advisive business piece, whereas them”Ask DesCamp” blog is something else entirely! Keep up the good work! As my brother and your uncle knows, I hate confrontation so will agree with both of you; different forums, different rules.

  3. echinachea

    Ugh, I did NOT intend to say “them AskDescamp blog……” but “THE AskDesCamp blog……. As the good book says: “editor! Edit thyself!” so I just did. How’s thatmfor excessive verbosity:) happy Friday to you too–and to Paul:)

  4. Ali Whiting

    I’m not good enough for my religion anymore as I’m not only divorced but living in sin. And to think-I taught CCD classes and was an instructor for the confirmandi program. Guess the state of NJ wasn’t the only unwelcome visitor in my bedroom! So-see you in hell. I’ll bring appetizers.

    1. echinachea

      As a fellow Excommunicado, I salute you!

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