Friday Feedback: Nobody Wants to See That

Dear Readers:

Welcome to Friday Feedback, our weekly (except last week) dose of the classic combination: abuse and love. I am Rihanna, my readers are Chris Brown, and although this is a dysfunctional relationship I just can’t quit.  Bruise me with your criticism then soothe me with your words of kindness, my darlings – I love the way it hurts!

domestic-violence-isnt-funny

Robin:

I think I speak for everyone on the internet when I tell you nobody wants to see a picture of you in a bathing suit on your birthday or any other time. Gross. Shouldn’t a 45 year old woman be grown up by now? You write like a teenager – do you act like one too?

“Sarah”

Dear Sarah:

First I must say thank you: thank you for confirming what I was beginning to suspect – that everyone on the internet reads my blog. Including you!

famous

I appreciate your thoughtful comments regarding my promise to post a photo of myself in my bathing suit on my 45th birthday, which is coming up this April 8th.  That threat/promise can be viewed here: Afraid to Try Again

It’s important to note that the gesture was made in solidarity with others seeking to jump-start their New Year’s fitness plan and to keep myself in check and motivated. After all, who wants to make that promise and then either chicken out or be forced to post an unflattering photo?  While I am in fairly decent shape, I must achieve a higher level of fitness by the time I become rich and famous, which I am estimating will be roughly around the 14th of March this year.

I may have a face and desire for radio but I want me a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills body, and I aim to get it despite my lack of access to cocaine and personal trainers.

As to whether I am “grown up,” I do believe I am a grown up.  It’s true that from time to time I may act in a bit of an immature manner. I attribute that to my recent thrilling career change and the fact that I have a wildly exciting/somewhat disturbing sex life.

sex

I will reach out on a limb here and guess that you cannot say the same.  Has your hymen grown back yet?  Why don’t you take a five minute break from the call center you work at and take a look.  Let me know!

Robin:

Your advice to “Depressed in Dallas” about losing weight was good, but your joke about the dinner check was tasteless and bordered on abusive. Please remember to be more tender with those who approach you for advice.

-Joe

Dear Joe:
Thank you for your feedback on Afraid to Try Again. Unfortunately, I don’t think you “get” me. I use humor to engage readers, and given the lucrative 6-figure book deal I just nailed* the way I do this thing of mine seems to be working.

job

In addition, you have no idea how long I agonized over using that little quip or making a comment about the need for flour in bed (google if you don’t understand this reference), so I’d like some credit for my extreme exercise of restraint in this case.

-Robin

Dear Robin:

I am a physician in Seattle and I love reading your blog every day. I have shared it with many of my patients and friends and I have a strong feeling that you are really going to take off this year! Best of luck to you in your new endeavor.

William

Dear William:
Now THIS is the kind of letter I hate.

cat

How the fuck am I supposed to snark on such good will and lovely praise? Seriously, don’t ever write me again.**

-Robin

*visualization is the key to success.
**Just kidding. I love you.

This Post Has 21 Comments

  1. John meaney

    Is it OK to say that I just pissed my pants laughing?????????

    1. askdescamp

      Indeed!

      >

  2. Chicken Little

    Dear Sarah,

    Sorry new girl, but nobody hit your buzzer. Sit yo ass down.

    Xoxo,

    CL

  3. Mike

    I thought you gave out advice? Yet you desperately seek attention from others. Hard to believe you are a “lawyer”.

    1. askdescamp

      Readers, this comment was written by a Scientologist unhappy with my observations about a pending lawsuit against the cult on the website Radar Online (ROL).

      “Mike,” I’m sorry your words do not wound me as you would like them to. I suspect you are the same person who repeatedly called me a lesbian on the ROL thread (also not hurtful). If that is true, you clearly need help – more than the lovely Advice Goddess can give.

      There are deprogramming experts in most major cities. Please let me know where you live and I will help you find one.

      I won’t comment further on the specifics of your message today because I am saving that for Friday Feedback. I will say this: welcome to http://www.askdescamp.com!

      I appreciate all my readers, even the brainwashed sycophants who worship a lousy sci-fi writer and think that we are all filled with the tortured souls of aliens blown up in volcanoes by the evil galactic overlord Xenu.

      Cheers, my loving wingnut!

      Robin

      1. Mike

        Actually I don’t see where you are giving out advice only seeking advice for your desperate life which leads anyone with a brain to see that you are NOT a lawyer. IF you were a “lawyer”, you could figure out your own life. You are a desperate “girl” looking for attention…and everyone knows it desperado…

        So at what point are you the supposed “Advice Goddess” and not the “Whiney Lesbian”?

        Seems you need others to run your personal life. Desperate much lesbo? Can’t get a girlfriend so you desperately think you are giving out advice when you actually aren’t capable of giving out advice to anyone??? Pathetic and yet so funny lezzie!!! Keep “thinking” you are giving out advice. I’ll keep laughing at your!!!!

        1. askdescamp

          Too cowardly to use your real name, but are you also too stupid for google? Thank you for the additional material.

      2. Mike

        Lezzie Borden, I am not a Scientologist. I don’t deny the right’s of anyone’s religious beliefs like you do. Maybe that’s why you can’t get a date because you are so full of hate?? What else do you actively hate. What else are you out there trying to repress gay rights?? One day YOUR religion will be attacked and then we’ll see you whining, won’t we Lezzie??!!

  4. Mike

    And yes, I made a typo. I bet you will find that hilarious. Because no one else makes typos right butch?

    This site is a piece of shit run by a piece of shit, desperate for attention. Good luck following this loser around losers.

  5. Mike

    “Too stupid for Google”??? WTF? I don’t speak lesbianese.

  6. askdescamp

    Ah, the internet. Where lonely anonymous fools exercise the only power they have via typing on a keyboard. It’s sad. Entertaining, yes. But in the end, very sad.

  7. John meaney

    I think “Mike” seems like a genuinely nice fellow who is in need of 1.) a dictionary, 2.) english grammar lessons, 3.) a life.

    1. askdescamp

      Touche, baby.

      Sent from my iPad

      >

    2. Echinachea

      It seems that Fake Mike could also use some anger management sessions before his pin-sized head explodes into a million hateful little pieces. Not sure I could agree with “genuinely nice guy….” but definitely agree his language skills are severely lacking and his pitiful life needs something other than a keyboard for fulfillment. Robin’s right; the internet is full of wackos, but they sure get tiresome and mean! My NY resolution is to start ignoring the “Mikes” of the world and the web, and focus on happiness and helping others. “Mike!” Get some help! You are pathetic.

      1. Mike

        Pathetic, or true. Have you read the other comments that find Lezzie to be a stupid girl NOT giving out “advice” like she claims she does? Are you gullible enough to think lesbo is a “lawyer”?? Seriously??? Pathetic is the lezzie that needs suckers like you to kiss her fat ass and make her feel better about herself. Please tell her that she looks like a clown with that much make up painted on her face. Not every lesbian is a Covergirl. Just Ellen. Robin, you look like a serial killer. John Wayne Gacy’s sister, perhaps…???

        Oh and “Echinachea” you didn’t make it far with your “New Year’s Resolution”, did you??

        #stopmakinglezziefeelbetteraboutherlousylife

        1. askdescamp

          I’m not going to post your comment, Mike, because I don’t see much upside for either of us. I will say this: you don’t know me, and I don’t know you – although I am not hiding behind anonymity and you are.

          I need not say this, but I will: I’m not a lesbian and I am a lawyer, two facts you would know if you used google. Neither my heterosexuality nor my law degree and license is especially important to me, but I thought you should know.

          I say this to you not to prove a point about who I am, but to suggest that you should focus on the real issue at hand when you argue with people, not random vicious attacks and name-calling.

          While I can’t quite fathom why I need explain this to you, I’ll try: you are hurting your cause. If you have a real issue with people criticizing Scientology, use your words to express why you think that’s wrong from a factual basis.

          Finally, the other reason I’m not going to post your comments anymore is because it is clear you are sick. I don’t think it’s humorous to make fun of people with mental disorders any more than it is to make fun of people with physical ailments.

          Take this is the honest spirit in which it is given: your religion denies you the medication you need to live a healthy and normal life. Scientology is killing any chance you have to enjoy this time on earth.

          I implore you to speak with someone who can help you find peace and get you out of this cult. You can respond with nasty comments all you like, but I am being totally sincere and I won’t give you the reaction you want, which is to respond with anger.

          If you are NOT a scientologist, I still urge you to get help, because trolling people is a desperate cry for help and attention, and you probably know that.

          If you’d ever care to have an honest conversation and reveal who you truly are, I’d listen. I would love to know I helped someone escape this insidious cult, even if our relationship was born out of ugly messages to and fro.

          Robin

  8. John meaney

    P.S. I was kidding about both the “genuinely” adverb and the “nice” adjective I used… Echinachea (easy for YOU to spell!) is right on.

    1. Echinachea

      Thanks for the clarification, John. Sometimes I am a little slow on the irony:)

  9. A Loyal Fan

    Dear Robin – I completely agree with Sarah – nobody wants to see a photograph of a 45 year old woman in a bikini. Take the bikini off, then post the photo!

    1. echinachea

      Great retort, Loyal! Love it!

  10. Chicken Little

    Wow, a scientologist AND a troll?? You’re doin’ big thangs, Mike. Big thangs.

Comments are closed.