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Friday Feedback: I Still Suck but I’m Awesome Too!

Dear Readers:

Welcome to Friday Feedback, our used-to-be-weekly-but-now-sporadic amending of the blog soil with the fertilizer of reader analysis.  

I’ve received some fascinating comments on my work recently!

Critique #1

I was absolutely thrilled to receive a follow-up email from someone who wrote to me about eight months ago for advice.  His wife had essentially been cheating on him for over a decade with her computer.  You can read all about it here: Computer Addiction is Ruining My Marriage.

Robin, I’ve been following your blog and when I saw your post on Tuesday I knew I had to write.  I had that tough talk with my wife and as I feared, she essentially ignored me.  We are in the process of divorce and she hired a lawyer who is making my life miserable but all I know is that I can finally see that my life has a better outlook now than it has in many years.  I wish we could have used you as a mediator but we live far from Portland.  Anyway, thank you.

Hearing from happy customers is one of the many highlights of my career, otherwise known as my “quixotic journey to hell.”  If you’ve been featured in the blog please write to me and let me know how things have progressed (if you took my advice) or devolved (if you did not).

Side note on the mediation business:

I am currently putting together all the needed paperwork but I am absolutely up and running.  I am not limited to doing this solely in Oregon so if you don’t live here and you want to save many tens of thousands of dollars on your divorce, please email me at: robin@robindescamp.com.

Critique #2

Next we have this message I received regarding Pressure to Donate, a two-part blog in which I addressed the pressure felt by a woman whose former divorce lawyer was strong-arming her into making donations to suspect “charities.”

My lawyer put intense pressure on me to donate to all sorts of things including her relative’s political campaign!!!  I read your blogs and gagged because I know EXACTLY how this feels.  It really does feel like extortion because of everything she knew about me.  Hiring her was the biggest mistake I ever made.  I wish I had your magic Robin DesCamp time machine so I could choose someone else.  This was a great blog and I’ve shared it with others who have felt the same way about the fake charities and social scene climbing charities she put pressure on all of us to give to.
To whomever wrote that, thank you for sharing your story and for sharing my work.  I hope you will reach out to me to hear about my mediation style and if you like it, refer your friends to me before they get hooked up with a DICK (Divorce Industrial Complex Kingpin).
DesCamp Mediation Services: The Sane Alternative to Getting Slapped Around by a DICK. 

Critique #3

This reader does not care for my language or much of anything else about me:

You have a filthy blog.  Someone should have washed you’re (sic) mouth out with soap and given you a good hard spanking a long time ago.  You are a disgusting embarrasment (sic) to your family, your profession, your friends, and your city.  

I saw the photo you posted in your bathing suit and that was disgusting too.  You are a middle-aged woman what were you thinking?  You’re (sic) poor son.  Good luck with that mediation business because nobody is going to hire you with the things you put on line (sic).

-Disgusted

You can’t make all the readers happy all the time, but since I am trying to be a better person every day, I wrote back to “Disgusted.”  Here was our exchange:

Robin:

“What level of schooling did you achieve, and what’s with your aversion to spellcheck?  Low-hanging fruit out of the way, I’m curious how you know I am an embarrassment to my family and friends.  Are you one of them?  If so, this wasn’t a very nice email.”

Disgusted:

“I’d literally rather die than be friends with you and thank God I am not in you’re (sic) family.”

Robin:

“‘Literally?’  My goodness, I’ve had critics before, but none who’d rather actually die than have cocktails with me.  I think you meant ‘figuratively.’  Don’t feel bad about it though, a lot of feeble-minded two-legged stool samples make that mistake.  You seem to think you’re (please note proper usage) better than me.  Is that a good assessment of our current relationship?”

Disgusted:

“Robin, everyone is better than you.  For your information I may make stupid typos but I am much smarter and more successful than you could ever dream of and even though I’m not disgusting enough to put bathing suit photos of myself on line (sic), I look a hell of a lot better than you.  I’m done with this conversation because you are an idiot.”

Robin:

“I try to be optimistic about winning people over, but I fear you may be immune to my charms.  This distressing situation has caused me much pain and I’m not sure I can find the strength to go on.  Happily, should I decide to end it all I’ve come up with a great plan:

“I’m going to figure out who you are and come find you.  Then, I’ll scale your massive ego and leap to your IQ.

“By the way, your obsession with my body and your comment about washing my mouth out with soap and my needing a spanking showed me two things:

  1. If you managed to drug someone long enough to procreate you almost certainly abused your children; and
  2. You clearly want to fuck me.  While that isn’t going to happen, I am happy to provide you with some masturbatory material:

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You’re welcome!”

Critique #4

Last but not least, my Biggest Fan did not find my response to her bar complaint against me nearly as entertaining as I, and the millions of others who read it and figuratively died from both laughter and deep thoughts.  

She wrote the following to the bar:

I received your communication today regarding the DesCamp response and just finished reading through it for my first time. I am dumbstruck by her response and complete lack of discretion and sensitivity to this matter. I will let you know within the week whether or not I will even bother trying to respond to her incoherent response. I am not even sure it would be possible to be honest.

If Complainant was truly dumbstruck by my response, she may not be my Biggest Fan after all.  She must not have read my first bar response.

Random query:

If a person with questionable intelligence is “dumbstruck,” do they then enjoy a new and much higher IQ, much as a negative multiplied by a negative equals a positive?

As for my “lack of discretion,” I did not post my response online or use her name in it.  

Regarding my “sensitivity” to her: she accused me of both criminal and unethical conduct and provided evidence that proved the opposite of those accusations.  

Pardon my French (“Disgusted” will be even more so today) but in what fucking universe should anyone be owed sensitivity when they try to have someone punished for something they did not do?  Samantha blames me for every single problem in her life – no joke – and yet I am supposed to treat her with kid gloves.

It’s that sort of reasoning that explains why she is an unemployed, miserable, lonely and wretched person estranged from her own children.  She surrounds herself with like-minded people who encourage her narcissism and victim-mentality while simultaneously squeezing blood money out of the rock that is her bank account.

Say what you want about me, Samantha, but here’s the thing: my divorce was easy, I spent less than 1% of what you have so far, I have a great relationship with my son’s dad, and my kid thinks I’m pretty awesome.  So maybe I’ve got some ideas that make sense?

“Incoherent?”  I don’t think so.  I’ve been accused of being many things, but with the exception of that time I experimented with combining tequila, Xanax, and high-THC edibles, “incoherence” isn’t one of them.

As for responding to my response, Complainant writes: 

“I am not even sure it would be possible to be honest.”

That’s not surprising, because I easily blew away every single allegation she made. It was like taking candy from a very stupid and drunk baby.  

As for that stupid drunk baby’s sentence above, her Freudian slip is showing.  Not sure what I mean?  Read it again and leave a comment.

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This Post Has 21 Comments

  1. Really tired of her shit

    Having read the complaint, I can confirm her last sentence–it was not possible for her to be honest. And she wasn’t.

  2. Jenn

    That’s how I read it the first time and the second time, too. She does not think it is possible to be honest… hm…it says a lot!
    Great blog today, DesCamp! You keep getting better and better. And, hello? You look great in a bikini.

  3. Divorced Dan

    I am a big believer in Freudian slips and that was a good one. Also, “Disgusted” needs to lighten up. I’d like to see her expose who she really is and prove that she’s hot and loaded. You get the best hate mail, Robin. This should be a more regular feature.

    PS: Is that photo really you? Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

    1. Robin DesCamp

      The only reason that photo is decent is because my friend Susie took it. She is the master of the angle and how to take the most flattering photos. If I give myself any credit for getting in better shape this year, some of it has to go to my obsession with this fucking Fitbit given to me by Mr. Patience and Understanding. I have become radical about constantly being in motion and I’ve upped my miles significantly. I’ve only missed three days of workouts since Dec. 23 and as a result, I am looking better but I also have plantar fasciitis. So that sucks. But thanks!

      1. Mark

        Arch supports, baby, and you do look so friggin’ marvelous rocking that ‘kini.

  4. Bud

    Samantha said she is not even sure she could be honest. Not that she wouldn’t be honest, but that she is incapable of honesty. Yes, Sammy, we know that. You’re a dishonest, narcissistic, lying piece of poo whose children hate you. You pathetically attack Robin instead of seeing that your own actions caused this estrangement.

    PS Robin, if I had your body I would wear my bikini everywhere, all day. You look amazing!

  5. Greg O'Shea

    I feel rewarded and it literally is my birthday. Why rewarded? Because my first thought after reading your teaser about food source was, of course, Boobies! And then, knowing attorneys, and your wit, I thought, ah, probably placenta.

    So, boobies! Yay! Dare I say disgustingly happy?

    1. Robin DesCamp

      You are referring to my LinkedIn teaser, and you are correct: it was my son’s second food source. Happy birthday!

  6. TLM

    If “Disgusted” is who I think it is, she already “posted” a photo of herself in a bathing suit by having the Oregonian write a piece about her from 30 years ago, using a photo of her in a bathing suit. She never was attractive, even then, and she is positively is hideous now. That’s frankly neither here nor there, but she needs to get a life and stop dwelling on yours. Learning how to write might be good too, because her lack of writing skills are a dead give away as to who she is.

  7. Robin DesCamp

    I have been fooled into thinking I know who certain commenters are so I wouldn’t bet on anything when it comes to who wrote what. When I rebuilt my site I purposefully took out the feature that let me read IP addresses because I used to spend time trying to figure out commenters’ identities. What a waste of time!

    As for whether or not that person should get a life and stop dwelling on mine, I would bet good money (the money Complainant used to have, in fact) she would argue the same about me. The difference is I am trying to enlighten and protect people – she is seeking only to protect herself. Someone told me a private detective was hired to investigate me. That must have been the most boring gig of his life.

    By the way, if you are friends with me on Facebook you are on their “conflicts” list. You’re welcome – my free gift to you! Apparently someone thought I’d send in a mole. They didn’t realize I didn’t have to.

  8. PDXATTY

    My doctor kept trying to get me to join his golf club. Not the same thing but still weird.

    “Disgusted” sounds like a jealous hag.

    I read the response and the letter you sent to follow up. I’m one of the people who believes you should post the response but you gotta do what you gotta do. Being a lawyer with more than a passing knowledge of the rules, I predict this complaint will end up going the way your last one did.
    Selfishly I hope it does not or you get another one soon so we can continue to receive this particular form of entertainment.

    I had a BS complaint filed against me by someone who may have been even crazier than Samantha and I was very tempted to treat the response with contempt because I didn’t think the complaint deserved my serious attention. In the end of course I wrote it quite professionally. Now I regret that. Keep it up, RD. I have no doubt you will get to where you want to go if you are patient and keep doing the work you are doing.

  9. SMH

    Shouldn’t this asshat be spending EVERY moment looking for work? How many hours did she spend on the bar complaint (and still fit in a trip to Whistler) when she could have been begging people to hire her? I heard that because she has been out of work for 6 months, she has already filed to modify the court mandated support! I, IMHO, feel that is WAY premature! Or does she know that she is virtually unemployable due to her mental state of health?

    1. get that bitch some therapy and a job

      Well, that does assume that Samantha wrote the complaint–and it looks like she probably paid her DICKs a pretty penny to do a pretty shitty job drafting that nonsense.

      But you’re right: it has only been six months since she was fired, after a twenty-something-year successful career as an executive. What’s her plan to say to the judge: “Oh, yeah, there’s only one conclusion–I’m unemployable. I’ve looked hard (when I wasn’t skiing or drinking or rocking with my rabbit and elephant or drafting insane bar complaints), but no one can stand my phony narcissistic persona and I guess I’ll never work again.”

  10. Robin DesCamp

    I would not say she is unemployable. Her previous success proves otherwise. In fact, one could argue that if she could be so successful while leading what was clearly a tortured double life, she could be even more successful now that she has transitioned. But first she needs to turn her attitude around and pull herself together.

    My belief is that many of us – and I certainly include myself in this observation – go through awful periods in our lives during which we are terrible. We are terrible to the ones we love, terrible to ourselves, self-destructive. We can emerge either worse off or better off, depending upon our ability to heal and learn from our mistakes.

    I am loathe to comment on the modification but my observation is this: I for one haven’t heard of a case where someone was able to get a modification so quickly after a job loss and so soon after a divorce decree has been entered. Judges just don’t stand for that shit, and a termination or quit so soon after a divorce could lead one to believe the career wound was self-inflicted so as to avoid obligations.

    As my readers know, I am not a fan of long-term alimony, but she has only been paying for a year. This motion isn’t just not ripe, it isn’t even fruit on the tree yet. I wonder if it will come to light that she paid someone to craft the complaint, and if so: what does that say about how she chooses to spend her money and time?

    So if your lawyers, who regularly argue vociferously against alimony modifications even after years of payment by people who couldn’t afford them, are pushing this agenda you might wonder: why? Could it be the continuing cash flow?

    Finally, as to whether or not she was “fired,” we don’t know that. Maybe it was her choice to leave. If it was, however, that will be an interesting factor for the judge to consider. And if it was not, one must assume a tidy severance was paid that argues strenuously against a modification. Oh well, tens of thousands of dollars more down the drain into the coffers of the people who pretend to care, but who do not.

  11. Isaac Laquedem

    If Samantha has moved for a modification (reduction) of her support obligations because her income has decreased because she is no longer employed, then Sarah will be able to require Samantha and her former employer to provide a copy of Samantha’s severance agreement. As with personnel files, people who write severance agreements sometimes use polite language instead of plain language, for example, saying “Employer and Employee agree that it is in their common interest for Employee to leave Employer,” making the separation sound voluntary, instead of “Employer fired Employee and is paying Employee to keep quiet about it.” If a year later Employee asks to have her spousal support obligation reduced because she was fired, Spouse might say that Employee is bound by what her severance agreement states as fact, i.e, that she left voluntarily. I don’t know Employer or Employee and I don’t have the severance agreement; this is just what I would argue if I were Sarah.

    1. Robin DesCamp

      Good points, all.

  12. west Hills Alum

    If you won’t post the response will you at least post a blurb from it like you did with the severance agreement you posted on FB a couple weeks ago?

    1. Robin DesCamp

      OK, will do. Give me a few minutes…

  13. Isaac Laquedem

    If you reward a man who has both bad manners and bad punctuation with photos as attractive as that one, you’re (or, as he would write, “your”) just encouraging him to be even worse.

    1. Robin DesCamp

      Isaac:
      I don’t know whether the writer was male or female, but you are correct I am encouraging that person to be worse. I LOVE my hate mail. I received much more of it when I started out and I’ve been disappointed to see less of it lately. Let me clarify: I LOVE my hate mail that is sent to ME. I do not love hate mail sent to Mr. Patience and Understanding by people so cowardly that they can’t even sign their own name to it and who pretend to be a member of a club that would not only never allow them membership, but who is viewed so negatively by members that no employee would ever be welcome either. In my opinion. How can someone brag about being so tough and bold while writing poorly-drafted anonymous letters to my husband?

  14. Robin DesCamp

    Complainant:
    This matter needs to be addressed by the Oregon State Bar to maintain the integrity of our legal system and prevent members of the bar from damaging the profession and degrading public confidence in the legal process as a whole.

    My response:
    Complainant’s lawyers have done more to damage the reputation of the legal profession and to degrade public confidence in the legal process than I could ever hope to do.

    I could release a pornographic video in which I set the Constitution on fire while performing fellatio on an actor dressed as Judge Lance Ito. I could urinate on the flaming aforementioned Constitution, all the while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance and pounding tequila shots. My film could close with ten minutes of me getting serviced by a series of actors representing the OJ jury and Christopher Darden.

    That filming activity by me would do 1/1000th of the damage this firm does on any given day. Come to think of it, my foray into foxy filmmaking could help the reputation of our profession. Mental note to self: call Larry Flynt to assess interest in my project. Working title: “Big Lance Eat-o and the Horny Prosecutor: It’s Not Just the Gavel that’s Banging Hard!”

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