Welcome to Friday Feedback, our weekly picking at the mold on the cheese of this blog in hopes there is something edible underneath the scum.
First, let me apologize.
We’ve been having terrible technical issues all week so as you know I’ve posted very little. I apologize for your jump in therapy bills that will surely result from a lack of Robin for the past few days and hope that you will forgive me and continue reading.
First up is someone who disagrees with me on sex. Can you believe it?
Are you obsessed with sex? I read on golocalpdx a very irresponsible column in which you seemed to say women should have sex with their husbands even if they don’t want to. I thought you were a feminist? That is a very dangerous ideology to spread – sex should always be given freely without pressure from either partner. Many marriages do just fine without it. Please think about what you are saying from now on.
-A True Feminist”
Dear Ms. Frigid Dried Up Icebox Queen with the Very Unhappy Husband:
Thank you for reading Sexless Marriage. In answer to your first question, no. I don’t think I’m obsessed with sex, although I am a big fan. Without it, we wouldn’t have this blog because I wouldn’t have been born, and what a terrible place the world would be if that were the case!
If a marriage is sexless because both partners want it that way, I agree with you wholeheartedly that those relationships can survive and thrive. What I am concerned about are those marriages that are unilaterally abstinent because one partner won’t open the gates of Mordor from time to time.
Most marriage vows include language promising each partner will “love, comfort and cherish” the other while at the same time “forsaking all others.” In other words, you’re supposed to butter each other’s muffins from time to time, and if you don’t, your partner may seek out another muffin at a more hospitable bakery.
Ack – that sucked. I must be tired today.
Think of it this way: a house is a major investment for most of us and we look for many different qualities in a home. For some, large closets are a necessity, for others just a plus. Certain people can’t live without a two-car garage while others are fine with no garage.
However, there are some attributes to a home that are non-starters. I may not buy my house solely because it has a nice bathroom, but I’m going to be pretty pissed (haha) if my bathroom suddenly disappears.
It’s right there in the vows, sister, so I suggest you find your husband at the local strip club or his mistress’s house and give it up for a change. If you need a little something to get you in the mood, I think this image might do it for you:
Just a hunch.
As for my status as a “feminist,” I don’t think that word means what you think it means and I certainly don’t equate it with taking the position that sex need always be wanted to the same degree by each partner. Let me tell you a story about me, because my life is fascinating and consistently gives good material for people like you to ponder. Pay attention, now!
As a result of my grand transformation into radio and internet sensation, my income has taken a major hit. Because Mr. Patience and Understanding believes in me and knows this thing will work out in the end (and afford him a golf-laden lifestyle to which he would like to become accustomed), he has been incredibly supportive about my precipitous drop in earnings.
Because I am not bringing in the big bucks anymore and because this new gig provides me with a very flexible schedule, I am the “House Bitch.” Oh wow, you are really not going to like that name.
My role as House Bitch is to do 95% of the work around the house because Mr. Patience and Understanding is working so hard at the office. I clean, cook, shop, walk the dogs, etc. I do these things because we have agreed to a certain exchange of goods and services to maximize fairness and happiness in our marriage.
Do I always want to cook dinner or fold laundry?
In fact, I very often don’t. But I do it (usually, except for Thai take-out once in a while) because that’s the deal.
Husbands and wives out there – if your spouse is unhappy with the level of intimacy in your marriage, take a good hard look at how to fix the imbalance, lest you find yourself without a partner to reject.
That’s it for today, kiddos. I’m off to auction some things so if anyone is looking for fabulous size 10 shoes and boots, jewelry, or clothes please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll tell you what I’ve got! I may have Mr. Patience and Understanding by my side today, but it’s time to get some money coming in.
Let’s see: what would be a job that is flexible, easy, and in which I can make a lot of money? I know – I’ll become an exotic dancer!
Nevermind. If anyone else out there needs a House Bitch, please let me know. Conjugal services not included, luckily for you.
PS: Happy Halloween!