Welcome to Friday Feedback, our weekly painful passing of the criticism kidney stone through the urethra of this blog. Speaking of kidney stones, do you know what they look like? I did a little research this week and all I can say is: ouch.
Let’s jump right in!
Don’t you think it’s hypocritical to write a “mantra” on Facebook about not talking shit about people and then to write an entire blog about women who gossip? Aren’t you just gossiping about women who gossip? I can see why those women rejected you – who are you to give anyone advice, anyway? Go back to your day job because your life sounds pretty fucked up.
Thank you for reading both my Facebook page and my post about the toxicity of some women in groups. I’m honored to have you as a fan but sad that you won’t share your name with me. If you believe your criticism is valid, why are you hiding behind anonymity?
As for your use of the words “hypocrisy” and “gossip,” those words do not mean what you think they mean. I’d be happy to send you a dictionary if you will be brave enough to share your address with me, but somehow I don’t see that happening.
I’ve had many opportunities to gossip since writing the mantra and each time I have steadfastly refused. Just last night I discovered a new friend of mine and I have someone in common and when I told him I knew someone he knows and we aren’t exactly on the best of terms, he asked me to share that person’s name and what the beef was. I did not. For that, I felt really good.
It’s not always easy, of course, so I’ve crafted the following little exchange to use when faced with a tempting chance to talk shit about a terrible person. This compromise allows me to say both everything and nothing at all. Feel free to use it yourself! It goes something like this:
Kelsey: “Hey Robin, do you know Amy Reddington?”
Robin: “Why yes, yes I do.”
Kelsey: “What do you think of her?”
Robin: “You know, I’d really rather not say. I don’t think it’s right to speak ill of the dead.”
Kelsey: “What? Amy’s not dead – I just saw her this morning!”
Robin: “Well, she’s dead to me.”
Arguing with you is not on my agenda this morning but I will ask you this: when is the last time you accomplished anything of significance besides pushing a baby out of your gut? Honestly, look around you.
What are you doing that means something? Did you even leave the house today? If you did, was it for something other than meeting some girlfriends for a group trashing of someone else?
Did you leave a profession to start a new one? I doubt it. I rather doubt you even graduated from high school, given your fleeting grasp of the English language.
You asked me “who am I to give advice?” and next told me to go back to my “day job,” by which I assume you meant go back to the practice of law. Sigh. Wrangling with stupid can be so taxing but I’ll give it a shot.
Here’s some advice for you: step away from your obsession with my writing for a few minutes and look for an online GED program, because your brain is so tiny it can’t even grasp that what a lawyer does for a living is give advice. I’m sure your DUI attorney told you that, sweetheart.
As for me returning to the legal world, that’s not going to happen, at least insofar as practicing law. I do plan to take over for Judge Judy when she retires, so perhaps that will please you. Judge Judy made about $47 million dollars last year and only had to work around 45-50 days so I’m thinking that’s going to be a nice little gig at some point in the near future.
Do try not to be so envious of all the amazing things that are happening for me – it’s not a good look on you. By the way, here is a photo of one of the proudest moments of my life: the mailing of my status change from “active” to “inactive” with the Oregon State Bar.
Are you still reading, or did you get distracted by something shiny?
OK, my dear friends, I’m off to conquer the day. I can’t share any details about what’s happening with the blog and my new career right now but 2015 is going to be spectacular. My detractors will not be pleased!