Welcome to Friday Feedback, our weekly gentle circular palpitation of the blog in search of lumps containing dissatisfaction and praise.
I received several emails about the hair-trigger-tempered friend and how to handle her. I assume you read it, but if you were doing something more important that day like being resuscitated from a massive heart attack or getting Botox, here is is again: Walking on Eggshells – Yikes!
“I have been dealing with a gal like that one for years and unfortunately I cannot take your advice because we are cousins and forced together on a regular basis. Still, I like reading your take on this. Wish I could do what you suggested to your letter writer. Keep up the good work, Robin!”
Poor Cathy. She is holding the key to her own cage but won’t give it a turn.
Cathy, it matters not whether the volatile, rude and hostile woman in your life is related to you. Blood may be thicker than water but it shouldn’t serve to bind us to the reprehensible. In fact, I’d be more worried at the toxic spill in my front yard than one a few miles away.
What the hell does that mean? It means you should be even more inclined to be straight with your obnoxious family members, especially if you see them on a regular basis. Try taking the advice I gave to Tricia and see what happens. Even if you are thrown together at family events, you will have the satisfaction of having spoken your mind.
Many readers ask me to follow up with letter-writers and I try to do that from time to time, but sometimes they do it for me. Recently I was thrilled to receive this email in response to Income Disparity Makes Me Uncomfortable!
Thanks for featuring my question on your new blog. I really appreciate your thoughtful response, and your reply to the home-buying part really affirmed what I’ve already been feeling in my gut: don’t do it! As it turns out, my boyfriend has put that idea on the back burner anyway, so that’s a relief.
Yes, our relationship did evolve to the point of cohabitation faster than most. I’ve somewhat avoided the topic of long-term commitments since he was recently divorced when I met him, but your insight has made me realize this discussion may be worth revisiting now that we’re a year in.
After reading your response and having some good conversations with others, I realized a big part of my general anxiety over the income disparity lies with me feeling I don’t deserve to be treated to nice meals, taken on vacations, or otherwise provided for. When I was the breadwinner, those feelings never arose, since nobody but me was able to really treat me to anything significant.
Now that I’ve got someone in my life who treats me a lot better than I treat me, I’m realizing I probably have a lot of shit to work out with a therapist that’s gone unaddressed for way too long.
Thanks again for all your help, and keep up the fantastic work!
‘Isabel’ (which by the way, I’ve always loved – cosmic!)”
It’s emails like yours that keep me going when I’m worried this is all a crazy dream that shouldn’t be chased. Thank you.
The rest of my day is dedicated to finishing Chapter 2 of my book How to Get Divorced Without Losing Your Kids, Your Money and Your Mind: a Holistic and Practical Guide to Marital Dissolution and Family Reorganization.
I completed Chapter 1 yesterday: Choosing Your Lawyer: Pitbull or Poodle? (spoiler alert: the answer is “neither”) and Chapter 2 is now underway.
Managing Lawyers: How to Keep Your Attorney in Line and Ensure You Aren’t Getting Screwed by Sketchy Billing Practices will serve as an invaluable primer on keeping your divorce costs to a minimum.
Please continue to read and share the blog and help me take this to the next level. Have a great weekend, everyone!