Happy Monday, faithful readers! Once again I am peeling back the curtain of mystery to reveal my process: how it is I come to give the unflinching, brilliant and irresponsible advice doled from my lovely fingertips. Today’s question comes from Sam in San Francisco. He contacted me via Facebook: here is our chat.
(Sam) Here’s my question: I’m 42 years old, never married and no children. What’s wrong with me? (have fun with that!!!)
(Robin) Can I have more detail? How long is your most serious relationship? Are you gay? Ever been in love?
(Sam) Well…I left it open so you could explore! Otherwise, I love women…fuck like a champ. 4 years. Been in love a few times.
(Robin) Are you adopted? Are your parents still married?
(Sam) Ya….a lot of people ask that…which is fine with me! I’d rather people think that than think I’m a hustler…not adopted. Parents divorced while I was in high school. One younger brother.
(Robin) Was your parents’ divorce ugly or amicable?
(Sam) Middle of the road….I know where you’re going with this…heard it before. The divorce wasn’t a surprise to me or brother…marriage had been teetering for years.
(Robin) You have no idea where I’m going. Don’t fuck with the Mistress Of advice
(Sam) Touché! I’ll be quite curious to receive your advice!!!
(Robin) When was your last relationship and how did it end?
(Sam) How do YOU define relationship?
(Robin) Monogamous fucking and genuine affection
(Sam) Four years ago. I’m pretty damn busy with my job. Finding a woman who can deal with my schedule and that I am attracted to is not easy….to say the least.
(Robin) I get it. It must be hard. Ha! So are you dating anyone now?
(Sam) No. Did you write the piece?!? (I will interject here: obviously this asshole doesn’t read the blog on a regular basis. If you are going to come to me for free advice that’s worth every penny, you best come correct and be a faithful reader.)
(Robin) Not yet! Need to delve deeper
(Sam) OMG! You hit bottom!!! Nothing else there!
(Robin) That can’t be true. Do you want a family?
(Sam) If it happens, great. I’m not hell bent on having one…
So there you have it: Sam is 42, single, never been married and since I know him from Facebook I can attest that he is exceptionally handsome – those of you assuming he’s a unlovable troll are wrong. With all due respect to the most handsome, sexy and lovable man on the planet (Tom), Sam is a looker and from what I know of him he has a great personality too.
Here’s the problem: Sam didn’t really ask me for advice, did he? He asked me what is wrong with him: why is he still single at 42? First I’ll answer his question, and then I’ll give him the advice he didn’t ask for and doesn’t really need.
Sam: what is wrong with you? Nothing!
You are living a life many men would be very happy to live: you are successful, you have ample access to interesting, attractive and sophisticated women, you “fuck like a champ,” (I’m going to have to take your word on that) and you don’t have the worry of a wife and children waiting for you at home, which makes it easier for you to be successful in your job.
I suspect you are fighting with the societal paradigm that demands we all partner up, create a few replicants and slide into middle and old age with a partner. Not always the same partner, as shit happens and people divorce, but someone.
You may not have that drive, and that’s OK!
Being single does not necessarily mean a life of loneliness. For some, it can be very liberating. You don’t seem that set on having kids, so marriage may not be the right relationship vehicle for you.
I’m struggling with whether to give you any “advice,” because frankly, you’ve got it made.
Here’s my advice: stop worrying. I think you aren’t married because you haven’t met a woman who knocks your socks off – a woman who is so amazing, beautiful, smart, funny and accomplished that you just can’t live without her. Keep looking, she’s out there somewhere (sorry, I’m taken).
Here’s some more advice: whatever you do, don’t go looking for a wife because you think “it’s time.” When and if you do decide to marry, your motivation should be love, not squeezing yourself into a box society deems you must occupy. If you do that, you will likely end up divorced at some point.