Phishing for Catfish and Trolling for Trolls

Dear Readers:

Once in a while, your favorite blogger, mediator, lawyer, and righter-of-wrongs needs a break from the usual routine and an excursion into another writing genre.

Today is one of those days.  

Today, my friends, I give to you the latest version of “Robin Fucks with Scam Artists.”

The Nigerian Scam is so well-known that it hardly works anymore.  In its place, among many other types of ruses, is what I call the “Romantic Facebook Con,” hereinafter referred to as the “RFC.”  This scam is also known as “Catfishing.”

The RFC goes something like this (although there are countless variations):

  • Woman of a Certain Age (of which I am apparently now one) receives a Facebook friend request from Man: a stranger and usually decent-looking Gentleman of a Certain Age.  
  • Woman accepts friend request, because women are trusting, open, and a little bit dumb.
  • Man initiates messaging conversation immediately.
  • Conversation leads within minutes to Man’s pursuit of a romantic relationship with Woman, usually through broken English that is both endearing and ripe with comedic opportunity.
  • When the time is right, Man suggests a visit to Woman’s hometown. I have found the relationship can travel from “accept friend request” to “arranging a visit” within just a few message exchanges.
  • Woman accepts this request to host Man, because women are trusting, open, and a little bit dumb.
  • Something goes awry in Man’s travel plans mid-trip and he needs Woman to bail him out because his credit cards have been stolen.
  • Woman makes whatever financial transaction Man is requesting because women are trusting, open, and a little bit dumb.
  • Man disappears, Woman realizes her folly, and nobody makes a Love Connection.
  • The next morning, while licking her wounds over coffee, Woman accepts a friend request from Man she doesn’t know, because women are…well, you know.

From time to time I accept such friend requests just to see how much fun I can have with a Catfish who thinks they have their pole in my pond (!), when in reality it’s the other way around.  Turnabout is fair play!

Last Friday was such a day.

What follows is a series of screenshots illustrating my love affair with “Martin.” We laughed, we cried; we experienced all the highs and lows of a 20-year marriage in just five hours. 

Don’t read this on your phone – this piece is better viewed on a larger device. Also, please excuse duplicate messages and my typos, which are bound to happen when you are creating RFPA (“Rapid-Fire Performance Art”).  

That’s what I call it, anyway.  Someone I know calls it “wasting time,” but he doesn’t realize this is all part of my Big Plan.

The Introduction

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Getting to Know You

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Photos Taken off Internet to Bolster Claims 

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Robin Drops Well-Moneyed Info

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Man Wants to Talk on Phone; Robin Demurs

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After all this Time Knowing Each Other, Man and Woman Should Meet!

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At this point I guessed on FB that he would google “best things about Portland,” and that’s exactly what he did!  To prove I’m right, I challenge you all to google that phrase and see what you come up with.

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Robin Initiates the “God Question,” a Good Fodder-Generator

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Robin Drops Further Well-Moneyed Info; Razzes Horrible Organizations Just Because It’s Fun

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Man Ignores My Request Not to Call; Calls Anyway (this happens five times)

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Robin Pulls Photos Off the Internet; Two Can Play at This Game!

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Robin Shares a “Secret” to Gain Further Trust of Man

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Man Continues to Insist on Speaking by Phone

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Further Photos to Support Veracity of Robin’s Well-Moneyed Claims (Pittock Mansion)

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Man Disappears to Create Apprehension in Woman

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Man Returns; REALLY Wants to Talk on the Phone

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Man Accuses Woman of Not Existing on the Plane of Reality and Authenticity as He Does; Things Get Weird

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Waiting Day is Up, Whatever that Means

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Robin Posts Public Facebook Update in Hopes of Getting Martin Back; Is Not Successful 

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Naughty Martin is Too Stupid to Delete Another Robin’s Post on His Page

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Conclusion

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This Post Has One Comment

  1. qH

    Epic–I wish I had your balls. Or maybe your poor dead husband Fred’s? Thank you for the laugh!

Comments are closed.