Nicejob

Monday Limerick (Safe for Work)

Dear Readers:

This week is filled with appointments and meeting preparations for exciting new developments in my career, in addition to an enormous amount of writing and research on another project.

I cannot divulge at this time what that project is, but soon I will reveal it to you all and I’m certain your collective minds will be blown.  If you think you know just how bad the divorce racket is now, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

I want to thank all of you who have reached out to tell me your divorce horror stories and encourage the rest of you to do the same.  Every time I read your emails and talk to you on the phone and in person I am reminded why I do this thing I do:

To help people and to hold those who would cheat and manipulate their clients accountable for their behavior.

Since I am off and running this morning, I’ll give you a quick update on a local political situation and share a limerick I wrote back in 2012.

Lawyers, Politics, DICKs, and Parking

Portland’s biggest DICK (Divorce Industrial Complex Kingpin, natch) warned late last year she might run against Councilwoman Amanda Fritz in the May primary. 

To review the articles in which ink and bandwidth were curiously wasted on a catfight and resulting “maybe I’ll steal your job!” threat, click here: Threatening to Run, Oregonlive and here: Threatening to Run, Willamette Week.

Our DICK was upset with Amanda because the DICK purchased a shitty class D office building in a terrible neighborhood with massive parking and traffic issues. Once she moved her few remaining slaves/employees to the new digs, she discovered parking was scarce, especially when an event was being held at a nearby park and running track.

Nothing like doing your due diligence after you purchase real estate, am I right?

Our DICK called Amanda to bitch and much to her surprise, the councilwoman did not immediately return her call.  She was on vacation – what nerve!

When Amanda did dial the DICK’s digits the conversation didn’t go all that well.  

Amanda did not respond to Portland’s loudest and most obnoxious lawyer (I come in second place, thank you very much!) by bowing and scraping and kissing the DICK’s ass.  Not everyone can be intimidated by a bully, as I think I’ve established, and Amanda reportedly told her there wasn’t much she could do.

Not every business problem has a political solution, unless you are a brother of the Koch variety.

This angered the DICK to the point where she threatened to run against Amanda for office, at which point I have to imagine Amanda shrugging her shoulders, having herself a little laugh, and trying to imagine a proper campaign slogan for running against a widely-despised emotional and financial terrorist.

“A vote for Amanda may curtail your rights to smoke in Portland, but it won’t drive you into bankruptcy!”

elephantcar

Fundraising

The DICK’s fundraising is impressive.  So far this year she has garnered a staggering $10 in donations, in addition to the whopping $176 raised in 2015.

Now, the last time she ran a fake campaign it was actually a fake election.

Who amongst my local readers can forget the “Mayoral Madness” fiasco of 2012, when Willamette Week ran a pretend campaign, bracket-style, which she took very, very seriously? I was told by a source that she actually purchased the online votes to beat Portland’s beloved Thomas Lauderdale and law professor Jack Bogdanski, much as she purchases “likes” for her FB page. 

Allegedly.

Here’s a comment I especially enjoyed when Jack was writing about that race, which included a round in which he went up against Packy, unfortunate captive at the den of horrors that is the Oregon Zoo:

“A better matchup earlier in the contest would have been (DICK) v. Packy. One is a giant loud obnoxious multi-ton beast that purposefully destroys people by stomping on them, and the other is an elephant.” 

Ahem.  For more on that race, go to bojack.org and read all the entries for April 2012.

I will update when news is available, but today I gift you with a limerick, minorly edited, which I wrote the last time our DICK ran for office.  Have a great week, everyone!

Mayoral Madness

Twas a lawyer with a reputation
as a giver of verbal castration.
Often needlessly rude,
and patently crude,
a loud foul-mouthed bar aberration.

She focused her life on divorce
(for only the wealthy, of course)
always stirring the pot
if it needed or not
with never an ounce of remorse.

Then one day there came an election!
The good people would make a selection!
It was mayor by bracket
(a real numbers racket)
and she launched like a fungal infection.

Not content to compete here unaided,
or see issues properly debated,
she ran this race mayoral
via methods immoral
and the process was thus desecrated.

Can a lawyer be sanctioned for cheating
and via sock puppets defeating
those who don’t pay
for their votes on this day?
God damn it – someone call me a meeting!

When it’s all over and this has long passed
and some karma has found her at last
When her office is empty
(not a modus vivendi,
but results from the corpses amassed)

Will she look in the mirror and spit?
And admit she has been such a shit? 
Now that clients are gone
no employees to piss on,
to retirement will she someday commit?

Work in progress…updates as they become available.

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This Post Has 5 Comments

  1. SKH

    Dying laughing over here. Thank you. Great poem.

  2. Kim

    If she runs for office, how will she explain her reputation in the community, the allegations of a hostile work environment, the fact that she has so many bar complaints, and the suspect nature of her non-profit? I may not be a lawyer but I was born and raised in this town and I know a ton of people in the legal community. The word on the street is and has been for years that she is both a terrible person and a terrible lawyer (oh how I wish I had listened), so what makes her think she would be elected? And can I get my donation to “Child Centered Solutions” back, seeing as how they don’t seem to actually DO anything? Are you looking into that special kind of bullshit?

  3. Pingback: Portland Politics, DICKs, and Fritz | RobinDesCamp.com

  4. Isaac Laquedem

    At practice she’s long made a killing
    By fleecing the meek and the willing.
    The town’s Dom Rel bar
    Could call her the star —
    For she’s who achieves the top billing.

    1. Robin DesCamp

      Great limerick but I’ll correct you on one thing: she may be the most notorious DR lawyer in town, but she ain’t the top one. Not by a long shot. Rumor has it the firm is shrinking faster than her husband’s dick every time he sees her naked.

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