Walter J. Palmer: Father, Dentist, Poacher, Sadist, Bastard.

Dear Readers:

We interrupt this advice blog for breaking news.  Regular advice will return tomorrow with a story about shallow people who don’t care about the feelings of others.

By now, unless you are living under a rock, you have likely heard the story of Cecil the lion, killed by American dentist Walter J. Palmer (of the Eden Prairie, Minnesota Palmers).

For a quick synopsis click here: Piece of Shit Kills Cecil.

Fine upstanding citizen Wally traveled to Zimbabwe and allegedly paid $55,000 to poach beloved Cecil.  This magnificent creature was illegally lured by food out of the protected national park area, shot by Dr. Walt with his manly man compound bow, tracked for two days as he wandered injured and bleeding, and eventually found and shot dead.

Wonderful person Walter J. Palmer then skinned Cecil and chopped off his head.  Everyone wants to take a memento home from vacation, am I right?  I brought herbes de Provence home from France; it’s practically the same thing!

The purpose of this blog is merely to encourage readers to speak out on this disgusting man and others like him.  These people need to be stopped.  

In addition, if you are interested in leaving a Yelp review, click here: Yelp micro-phallus sufferer Dr. Walter Palmer.

I’ve pasted my Yelp review below.  Enjoy, and be sure to tune in tomorrow when we discuss people who are both self-centered and completely unaware of how their words and actions affect others.

One more thing, and this is URGENT:

I am doing a casting call for Portland folks (or anywhere else if you want to fly yourself here) going through a divorce. If you and/or your spouse are willing to be filmed on camera in a professional studio please email me immediately at robin@robindescamp.com.  

This footage will not be aired without your permission.

Big things are happening so get in on the ground floor and be a part of it!

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My Yelp review of River Bluff Dental, the office where Walter J. Palmer and his itty bitty wiener practice the fine art of sadism in preparation for the next vacation!

I went to this man’s office and instead of fixing my smile, he asked if I had a cat.

“Why yes, yes I do,” I answered, pleased he had taken an interest in my home life. Some dentists can be so brusque, don’t you think?

“I’ll tell you what,” Walter murmured, as his pulse quickened and his breathing became rapid and shallow, “If you let me come to your house and pet your pussy, I’ll throw in a brand new set of veneers for free.”

I thought it over. Times were tough and I really wanted to look my best.

“Sure, why not,” I acquiesced, assuming when he said “pet your pussy” he meant some sort of sexual exchange. Like I said, times are tough and I really hate my smile.

That evening I set out Vanilla Wafers and Tillamook cheddar, along with my finest bottle of Duck Pond red blend. He arrived promptly at 7, just as he had promised.

“Hello, Dr. Walter,” I purred. “Won’t you come in?”

He pushed past me and into my apartment. As he raced from room to room, he began shouting at me.

“Where is it? Where is the damn cat?”

It dawned on me he wasn’t here for a sexual dalliance: a quid pro quo of the dental variety. He really wanted to pet my pussy literally, not figuratively. I ventured into my bedroom and pulled Francis out from under the covers.

“Here he is,” I said. “Relax. Are you OK? Why are you drooling?”

It was then I noticed his tiny erection: smaller than a thimble yet visible through his tight yoga pants.

“Now show me where you keep your knives,” he groaned, stroking Francis with a fervor I hadn’t seen since Donald Trump was caught on camera kicking a homeless man.

Walter was fast. I was too shocked to intervene.

I miss Francis.

As always:

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This Post Has 11 Comments

  1. Ava

    Thank you for your accurate posting of twisted- sick subhuman Walter Palmer. I hope he rots in his own hell for all the many animal murders he has done. And to all the women he has sexually assaulted…. I pray that karma comes swift and without mercy. I hope he looses his practice, his life savings in legal fees. And for the world to always remember his name associated with a criminal baiting murdering bastard.
    He will know what it is like to be the hunted now, he will be followed the rest of his life.
    Please keep up the outstanding work you do! Kudo’s to you!!!!

  2. kathy

    Dear Robin,

    I really enjoyed your article on Dr. Palmer. I needed a good laugh so thanks! Oh, and would you care to go bow-hunting with me? Asshat Dentists are considered pests so we don’t need any stinking license/permit.

  3. Peggy

    This is so ridiculous and sick. The media is absurd. Unless you have spoken to Walter personally, let it alone. He is a scapegoat for hunters before him and after him. I’ve known him 30 years. Don’t think your comments are the least bit cute ( although you obviously
    do). Why are you all trying to destroy a Human and his family… Over an animal. Yes, Cecil was beautiful but so are Walter’s son and daughter. Think again.

    1. askdescamp

      1. Yes, it is ridiculous and sick.
      2. Oh wait, you didn’t mean what I thought you meant. Sorry.
      3. You are not in a position to issue edicts on my content. Imagine if only those who knew people personally had the right to speak or write about them. Golly, that sure would make our world a pretty quiet place now, wouldn’t it?
      4. If I promise to write another piece about Walter after speaking with him, will you put him in touch with me? I’m serious – I would like to get his perspective on this media outrage.
      5. I’ve known my friend Autumn for 30 years. She’s really cool. I’m glad we could share with each other!
      6. My comments were not meant to be “cute.” They were meant to be hilarious and thought-provoking. Given the number of hits this piece generated, I assure you I succeeded on both counts. I think your tastes may be off.
      7. I am not trying to destroy a capital-H-Human. I am trying to destroy Walter J. Palmer’s hobby. As for his family, you are really reaching there, although I find his trophy wife (ha!) guilty for his behavior as well. His children? They have my deepest sympathies. Strange you think it is me that is hurting them and not their dad.
      8. Your lack of compassion for anything but humans is disturbing.
      9. His kids have nothing to do with this.
      10. I thought again. I’m still correct.

    2. george

      Peggy: sick is what the fine dr did to that lion. What is also sick is people telling us what a nice person he is. This only puts YOU in the same (not nice) category in which the dr has found himself. Finally and btw, Robin owned you. You should stick to charity work – something where you work with wounded animals like the drs kids, and probably wife.

  4. Peggy

    The media attention and absurd, hateful remarks concerning Dr.Palmer just amaze me. You think your story about Francis is cute; it actually shows your mindset and ignorance and immaturity. Unless you have personally spoken to Walter about the situation don’t assume what you read is true. The news feeds us garbage and we chew it up and swallow it…all. Walter is the scapegoat. Hunters before and after him will accept the African countries
    invitation to come and spend money; then possibly suffer their wrath. Have known Walter 30 years. Please stop trying to destroy someone and their family and their life when you really know JACK.

    1. I Know More Than You Peggy

      Didn’t realize you received my previous e-mail. Sorry, but I still think you are a sick puppy ( no better than him, certainly). Don’t be so proud of the number of “hits”. Just means that many more sick puppies; a whole litter of them. Did you happen to notice the Zimbabwe official interviewed on television was wearing a Ralph Lauren Pony logo pullover?? Second poorest country in the world has Ralph Lauren shops? Tells me they do love Americans! LOL. You are funny, but not in my kind of way. Tuning out; you missed my point.

      1. askdescamp

        Who is Francis? Are you confused?

        And what exactly is a “sick puppy?” I feel very healthy and I assure you that while I may not always wake up looking fresh and pretty, I am not a dog. As for your comment on the official wearing a Ralphy Lauren shirt: that statement was so odd, disjointed, and pointless that for once in my life I have no response.

        Please feel free to go back to Google and continue searching the key words “Dr. Palmer” and “Cecil” so you can read unflattering content about your friend. Because that’s not weird at all!

    2. askdescamp

      I’ll give you a few more of my thoughts on this subject.

      1. Calling me “ignorant” and “immature” after bemoaning the personal attacks on Walter was very amusing. You are a funny one, Peggy! Don’t you go trying to steal my job, you little minx!

      2. Your accusations regarding my efforts to “destroy his family” are duly noted. In fact, I have very strong feelings about how unfair all of this is to his children. However, blaming me for the situation facing this unfortunate family is akin to blaming Woodward and Bernstein for the Watergate break in.

      I was not the one who traveled to Africa to POACH a protected lion.

      3. Speaking of poaching, there’s this: Palmer was convicted for poaching before this trip, as I am sure you well know. If you think he only poached these two times, first with the bear and now with Cecil, you are a naive woman who choses her own version of reality over what is real.

      Take drunk drivers, for example: if a driver gets popped two times in ten years for DUI, what are the chances those were the ONLY TIMES HE DROVE DRUNK during that ten year period? I’m going to venture a guess: almost zero. Drunk drivers drive drunk and rarely get caught. Poachers poach and rarely get caught.

      4. Rather than titling at windmills by commenting on this article, why don’t you put me in touch with your good friend so he can explain his side of the story? I have many questions for him so please give him my email address: robin@robindescamp.com. Only a coward would be afraid of an interview with me. I’m a pussy cat!

      I’m the one who should be afraid, not him. Then again, the “sport” he participates in and the way in which he conducts himself does not indicate he is an especially brave man, so I won’t expect to hear from him.

      Have a great day and remember: not only do I know JACK, I know CHEDDAR too. So there!

  5. Pingback: I Was Contacted by a Friend of Poacher Palmer! - Robin Descamp

  6. Bud

    Every day I love you more, Robin.

Comments are closed.