URGENT: Ted Cruz Announcement

Darling Readers:

This may look familiar, but I’m reposting it for a very good reason.

Yesterday I had the fleeting honor of being contacted by someone at a writers’ website asking if they could publish the Ted Cruz blog below on their site.

I say “fleeting” because once my piece went online and I poked around the website, it became clear their definition of “writer” is, well, how do I put this?  Let’s just say it’s “flexible.”

That’s probably why they contacted me, come to think of it.

While I am very proud of this satirical Ted Cruz announcement, many of the commenters did not find it funny.

Not at all.

I encourage you to click on over there and read some of the feedback.  It’s awesome in its demonstration of how people think (if you can call it that), react, and communicate.  Here’s a handy-dandy link for you! Robin on Writer Beat.

While you’re there, check out another piece I published and the ensuing hilarity of the comments:

It’s Been a Week Since the Oregon Shooting: Do You Still Care?

And now I leave you to return to my book: Divorce by Design: How to Split Without Losing Your Mind, Your Money, or Your Kids, otherwise known as the end of the Evil Empire.

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Ted Cruz Announces Diagnosis of Hyperbosyphillis; Nation Concerned.

After decrying the Supreme Court decision on gay marriage as “one of the darkest 24-hour periods” in US history, Republican Ted Cruz was urged to seek medical help. He underwent a complete brain scan and anal exam (conveniently located in the same spot on Mr. Cruz) at the Mayo Clinic. The results were disturbing.

Mr. Cruz regrets to announce today he has been diagnosed with a severe case of “Hyperbosyphillis.”

Hyperbosyphillis begins with the chancre of diety worship and is later characterized by incoherent ranting, unreasonable feelings of persecution, swelling of the hubris, a hot and burning fever in the genital region when handsome men are within groping distance, and a pus-like odiferous ooze of paranoic discharge foaming from the severely-pursed and preternaturally tiny lips of the word hole.

There is no cure for Hyperbosyphillis, but happily, it is fatal. Unhappily, the condition can linger for years before victims are finally felled by the disease, meaning the true victims are those of us sharing the planet with the infected.

The diagnosis will not impact Mr. Cruz’s ability to run for or secure the Republican nomination.

Mr. Cruz’s analysis of Friday’s landmark SCOTUS decision is, per usual, spot on.This reporter did a quick inventory of U.S. tragedies, none of which rose to the level of allowing people who love each other to get married and divorced like the heteros.

Not-So-Dark Times in America (as if!)
1. Lincoln killed
2. Pearl Harbor bombed
3. JFK killed
4. MLK killed
5. RFK killed
6. University of Texas shooting
7. Manson killings
8. Space Shuttle Challenger disaster
9. Columbine
10. September 11, 2001
11. Sandy Hook
12. Charleston shootings

And finally, lest we forget:

The darkest 24-hour period in America happened when Mrs. Cruz laid in bed too long instead of her usual hurried application of a poisoned douche, thereby allowing Mr. Cruz’s homophobic, paranoid sperm ample time to fertilize her hateful, angry egg.

Oh wait – that happened in Canada.

Donald Trump is investigating.  Updates as they become available

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