Welcome to Friday Feedback, our weekly wondering if the fame and fortune we seek is worth all the anonymous abuse heaped upon us. Before we begin, some housekeeping matters:
1. Yesterday’s Bridezilla post had a typo: I meant to write “over 2.5 million weddings a year,” not “over 2.5 weddings a year.” Thank you to our sharp reader Chad, who advised me of the error and then when I failed to see it, suggested I put down the bong.
Chad, bongs aren’t my thing. But I did put down the cocktail and saw the mistake. In my defense, technically I was still numerically correct, even with the typo. I do agree that the word “million” was instrumental to the point I was making regarding the large number of weddings each year so thank you for your eagle eye and your teasing in the process.
2. This blog is running on fumes, people. I don’t have a lot of capital to inject here for SEO work so would you PLEASE do me the favor of sharing my writing with your friends? Part of getting a radio program involves proving I can garner an audience so I’m begging for your help. I especially appreciate it when readers share the blog on Facebook and tag me so I can keep track of my best supporters.
I made this point in the beginning and I hope you all realized I was serious: when I make it big, and I will make it big, I will remember and reward my loyal friends and advocates who believed in me and in what I’m doing.
When I met with the radio company Tuesday, the Big Cheese told me in addition to radio he could see me doing television, although I doubt I am telegenic enough. However, I have been thinking a lot about latecomers to success and specifically Judge Judy. She got that show by pushing her way in after Judge Wapner was released from his People’s Court contract.
First she was summarily dismissed, then when she persevered the studio finally took a look. Guess how much money she made last year? 43 MILLION (those caps are for you, Chad).
That kind of money buys a lot of fan appreciation parties and trips, don’t you think?
3. I am taping several vignettes for radio stations that will be approximately 90 seconds long each. Mini-rants, if you please.
Any suggestions from my readers on subjects I should cover are much appreciated! So far I am addressing the U of O basketball sex scandal, the cult of Scientology and the need for family law reform. Feel free to email me your ideas at firstname.lastname@example.org or put your thoughts in a comment.
And now back to our regularly scheduled programming!
I don’t know if this qualifies as “feedback” for your Friday blog but I have a couple questions for you! Why do you call your husband Mr. Patience and Understanding? And do you think you will ever go back to being a lawyer? -Amy
1. Obviously we have never met in person, or you would understand the nickname I have for my husband. Let’s just put it this way: I am not always easy to live with.
2. No. I would rather spend three months trapped naked and without alcohol in an igloo with Donald Trump, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin than go back to lawyering.
(this one came in anonymously through my contact form)
You suck. Kill yourself.
Oh Anonymous, why must you be so mean?
Not only that, but you haven’t even given me any specific critique I can use to improve my writing. Perhaps your first sentence (love your brevity, by the way, I could totally learn from you!) is making an assumption about my quality time with Mr. Patience and Understanding. If so, I’m afraid I can’t comment. There are some parts of my private parts/life that must remain a mystery.
While your first sentence was an observation, your second was a directive and a quite unfriendly one at that.
They say that hurt people hurt people, so I can only assume you are not living the life you want and thus you feel the need to attack me via short declarative sentences without providing me your true identity so we can communicate specifically and directly about your displeasure with my blog.
Listen, friend, I’m going to take the high road for once and give you some good advice instead of attacking you: drop your dick and close the browser set on www.shecantrejectmebecauseitiedherup.com, pick the government cheese out of your teeth, go next door to borrow your neighbor’s shower (I am assuming your water has been turned off for lack of payment) and put on your best pair of Lee jeans, your favorite Tom Hardy shirt and your pink crocs.
Take a look around you. It’s a beautiful world, right? Spring is here, we haven’t quite destroyed the planet yet and I’ve heard the economy is strong. I wouldn’t know first hand, since I am committed to making nothing this year.
If you’d like to provide more detail regarding your feelings, I’m listening. Until then, try to enjoy life and be happy. And thank you for reading!