Fall is a season of conflicting emotions.
Sadness that summer is ending and negative old memories of having to return to school are countered by college football, the beautiful colors of changing leaves, and this year in the Pacific Northwest, amazing weather.
This fall, I find myself struggling with the inherent challenges that come with working from home, or what Mr. Patience and Understanding calls, “that thing you do you promise is going to make me a kept man someday but when exactly is that going to happen again…?”
If you are an avid reader, you know I am working on a book called Divorce by Design: How to Split Without Losing Your Mind, Your Money or Your Kids. This book looks at divorce in a step-by-step and of course humorous manner and guides the reader to the path of either an amicable divorce or at least one with as little acrimony as possible.
Lest you think I am a bigoted jerk, I’ll have you know this book has always been officially gay-friendly but is especially and officially so since the Obergefell v. Hodges decision by SCOTUS on 26, 2015!
My book does not discriminate based upon sexual preference. I will be bossy and tell you how to handle your divorce regardless of who you love, how well you decorate, or the length of your hair and the level to which you eschew makeup.
Focusing largely on the concepts of personal responsibility and moving past the pain of divorce, Divorce by Design will be an invaluable tool for those considering or going through the breakup of a marriage.
Sample Chapters include:
- The Pit bull Lawyer: Why Hiring an Attack Dog for Counsel Puts You, Your Kids and Your Future at Risk.
- Managing Lawyers and the Dirty Secrets of the Divorce Counsel Trade: How to Keep Your Attorney in Line and Ensure You Aren’t Getting Screwed by Sketchy Billing Practices.
- The Top Five Ways to Screw Up Your Kids.
- Co-Parenting Done Right.
- Moving On: Living an Independent, Productive and Happy Life After Divorce.
If you are not an avid reader, welcome to the blog. Resistance is futile.
Working from Home
When I was toiling in the corporate world, I often dreamed of being free to work from home.
I hated the need to “be in the office” during certain hours, to “dress appropriately” for my position as a lawyer, and worse yet: the admonitions from my bosses that I “finish projects on time,” and “get shit done,” and “be nice to my co-workers,” and “not spend two hours at the gym every day.”
However, working from home has its own challenges:
- I tend to not get showered or dressed until late afternoon. This concerns my pets and also compromises the air quality in my office.
- My ability to focus is sometimes skewed by pressing issues at home such as laundry, cooking, and murdering box elder bugs with my vacuum.
- I can also be distracted by social media and my need to ridicule bad divorce lawyers and their terrible advertising efforts, convince everyone what a moron Donald Trump is, to express not everyone needs an assault rifle, and my preference to have politicians stay out of my vaginal and uterine region, both literally and figuratively.
- It’s really fucking lonely sometimes.
Not only have I nobody to laugh with, I have nobody to laugh at.
For example, in a former job I not only had a good friend working at the same firm but I also had the repeated pleasure of watching one of the lawyers swing a baseball bat in his office while he was “working.” Man, that was hilarious to watch.
He also had a liquor station set up in his office. Nothing says, “I’m here to help you with your divorce and promise to give you my full and sober attention” than several bottles of booze and expensive crystal on the credenza.
October 6: National Kick it Into Gear Day!
I’ve nearly completed the book but in the past few weeks my motivation waned. I’ve found it difficult to finish Chapter 9 and 10 even as they sit in near-completion on my desktop – mocking me on a daily basis and asking me why I need to work out or make enchiladas before I do what is needed on the book.
However, recent news I cannot discuss today has shot me out of my summer slump and led me to commit heart and soul into completion of the book and a final outline of the next one: I Tried to Find Myself but Couldn’t (but It’s not My Fault).
What’s on your plate?
What’s your big project that needs your attention but hasn’t gotten it lately?
- Is it work-related?
- Your marriage?
- Your home?
- Your family?
- Your health?
- Your fitness?
- Your self-esteem and mental health?
- Your garden?
Whatever it is, consider supporting my new legislation declaring October 6th “National Kick it Into Gear Day.” You can support this by simply applying that philosophy to your life starting today.
New Year’s Eve is the traditional day upon which we make false promises to ourselves in the boozy and disappointed haze of the post-holiday season.
Why not start today?
Why not wake up on January 1st, 2016 having made significant progress towards whatever your goals may be? Wouldn’t that be a fantastic way to start the year: ahead of the starting line and running down the race route?
I made this commitment to myself this morning and started by jumping out of bed at 6:30 and getting my workout done. Since returning, I’ve been writing and will continue until I am satisfied I’ve put in my best efforts.
I also convinced my lovely neighbor Iris to start running with me at 5:30 a.m. so as to get an even earlier start on the day. I did this not only because she is great company, but also to keep myself accountable to the alarm clock.
My drop-dead deadline for total completion of the book is now October 31, a fitting day indeed given the subject matter and horror stories contained within it. That may mean a few more reruns here. Please bear with me as I hurtle down the road to publication because this is important work that will help people survive and thrive after divorce.
So what’s your deal? What’s your fantasy? Get ‘er done!
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