You may have noticed I’ve been absent lately.
There are three reasons for my lack of adding to the blogosphere and since I have received so many emails from faithful fans inquiring after my health and well-being, I owe my readers an explanation.
Why Hath Robin Ghosted Us?
1. The Book.
The god-damned book.
It was practically finished and then I realized I needed to make it more personal. The new version is going to be a combination of “how to” and sharing some of the things I’ve been through, good and bad, in the complicated process of divorce.
The new chapters are coming along slowly, because they are painful to write. But write them I must, and I think it’s the best work I’ve ever done.
I recently took a several-day trip to a place I’d never been before, with the full intention of finishing the new chapters and sending it to my editor. I’ve found an investor who believes so strongly in my work that he has agreed to publish the book, giving me much more flexibility in pricing and frankly, how much I get to keep from book sales.
Unfortunately, the spectacular beauty of my undisclosed location was distracting, and I was not able to finish the work. I am doing my best!
2. The Divorce by Design Business
My license is active and I have picked up so many clients in the past few weeks that I sometimes have to pinch myself – this is really happening! The work has been rewarding, challenging, fascinating, and humbling.
I appreciate your referrals, so keep them coming! For more on my business please click here: Divorce by Design: A Better Way to Split.
3. The Change
No, not that “change.” It may be imminent but as of today, I can still make a baby. I don’t want to, mind you, but the fact I am still fecund somehow pleases me.
The Change is a complicated situation that requires more time than I have today. I’m working on an announcement so bear with me!
Book Excerpt: Chapter Eight
In this chapter, I address the need for parents to be cooperative and flexible with each other regarding parenting time. Enjoy this short excerpt!
Flexibility and Structure are Not Incompatible
Noted smarty-pants Charles Darwin once observed:
It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.
One of the most oft-touted ideas in divorce, especially by those who seek and/or enjoy the majority of parenting time, is that children need predictability, structure, and a strictly-regulated schedule in order to thrive.
I totally agree.
Then again, I totally disagree.
Let’s discuss my seemingly contradictory viewpoint in detail before you curse yourself for having purchased a book written by a very indecisive woman. Please bear with me as I try to make two points at once that at first glance seem at odds with each other but in fact are not.
It is certainly true that kids need structure and predictability. Parents do as well. Remember when you first brought that helpless little baby home from the hospital? The first thing most of us tried to do was get that squealing, peeing, crying, confounding little terrorist onto a schedule.
You change diaper.
You burp baby.
(You change shirt)
Baby shits, often rudely outside the confines of the diaper border.
You change diaper.
You do not.
As baby gets older we add in more activities like “tummy time” and “plop in front of the television for 90 minutes as we drink a bottle of wine in despair.” Regardless, the general idea remains: get the screaming shit machine, also known as “baby” on a regular routine they learn to follow and upon which mom and dad can depend. Schedules are comforting when new parents feel most vulnerable to the frustrations and fears of trying to keep a tiny, helpless, bald little asshole alive.
When baby matures into an older child, the routine-setting continues. Schedules are important as kids experience the rigors of school, the demands of sports, participation in hobbies, and management of their social lives. Kids these days have incredibly complex social lives – much more so than when I was young. Then again, I was awkward and unpopular and sported what some labeled an “old-growth-sized unibrow,” so that may explain the simplicity of my calendaring when I was growing up.
So, making schedules and sticking to them is important. Unfortunately, life is what happens when we are busy making other plans. So is divorce. Divorce is messy, emotionally devastating, and inherently unpredictable, unless one follows all the advice contained within these pages. But even the smoothest of dissolutions will create upheaval for the schedules of every family member, even the dog.
(If you have a cat he or she will not be affected by the divorce, because cats are evil and they do not care about the emotional tumult of their captive humans.)
We can create and plan for routine to the best of our capabilities but unpredictable things like divorce are, by their nature, unpredictable. How we react in the face of rapid and continuous change and the needs of the other people in our lives for us to be flexible says much about who we are as parents and human beings who in no way resemble cats.
Which are evil.
I really don’t like cats.