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Friday Feedback: Mr. Patience and Understanding Gets a Letter!

Dear Readers:

Welcome to Friday Feedback, our not-often-enough un-lubed trans-vaginal ultrasound of the blog in which we seek out cancerous cysts, terrible tumors, and fucked-up fibroids of bad writing.

Like that sentence I just wrote and you just read.  Sorry, I’m not myself today.

Why?

I am used to getting feedback on this blog and on things I post on social media. Usually it’s pretty complimentary.  

Sometimes it isn’t.

What I’m not used to is Mr. Patience and Understanding receiving such feedback. But receive it he did, last week, and it was a three-sentence letter, typed by a very big dummy, several years in the making.

I think he always knew this day was coming, don’t you?  You don’t marry a wild creature like me and expect not to suffer some slings and arrows.

Let’s take a peek at this masterpiece, shall we?

Mr. P&U Gets Hate Mail:

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Now let’s break it down piece by piece and try to figure out who courageously wrote this letter and mailed it to my husband.

Breakdown – Go Ahead and Give it to Me!

  • The writer used the wrong name for his firm.  Only lawyers in Portland for years refer to the firm by their old name.  Anyone looking up his office address would have sent it to him at the correct name, changed since a merger. So we probably have a long-time Portland attorney at the helm of this masterpiece, don’t you think?  Maybe even one who had Mr. P&U’s office address already in their system?
  • Not only am I an embarrassment in the entire Portland community, but particularly to religious people!  I had no idea.  That’s not a very Christ-like thing to say. 🙁
  • Note the use of the words “disgusting” and “disgusted.”  Those words are Trump’s favorites.  There is a long-time attorney in Portland who strongly resembles Donald Trump physically, politically, mentally, and emotionally. That attorney isn’t too fond of me, to say the least.
  • I’ll talk about the “joke” below, but this part is important because it shows, like Trump, that the letter-writer is not only deeply stupid, but also lacks any sense of humor or social justice.  Sounds like that lawyer I was talking about. Hmmm….another point there.
  • The letter references the Oregon State Bar’s “investigation of disciplinary complaints.”  I wrote about the last one which was dismissed by the Oregon State Bar.  You can read my epic response here: Dotson v. DesCamp.  I currently have another unhappy reader who has filed a bar complaint against me for writing things that upset her, which this lawyer knows because I think she and her minions ghost-wrote it.  I base that assumption on many things, but mostly because it’s so poorly written.  My response will be posted here soon so stay tuned!
  • Speaking of disciplinary complaints: let’s discuss. Three complaints have been filed against me by unhappy readers.  One was summarily dismissed and the other two required my response, which has been some of the most entertaining writing I’ve done.  I’ve never had one filed against me in my capacity as a lawyer or by a client or opposing party.  The lawyers at my favorite firm can certainly not say the same, including the one whom I believe drafted this cowardly, pathetic, and hilarious letter.  I’ve certainly never been the subject of any discipline, such as a Diversion Agreement.
  • Note that the letter writer refers to me first as “your wife Robin,” but then reverts to “Ms. DesCamp” in the second paragraph.  Perhaps out of habit?  Is it possible my name has been typed many times, perhaps drafting bogus bar complaints, and they forgot that it doesn’t make sense to call someone “Ms. DesCamp” in a piece of hate mail to her husband?
  • Strangled syntax and bad grammar are hallmarks of my favorite firm and its founder.  Or are we to believe that the Oregon State Bar is investigating private conversations amongst Mr. P&U’s peers?
  • The fake “signature” pretends to be a member of, I assume, our golf club. Portland Golf Club is often referred to as “PGC.”  However, perhaps the writer meant he or she is a disgusted member of the Pathetically Grotesque Counsel club?
  • Each word in the signature line should have been capitalized. This was a typical mistake by the writer, whose skills at putting words to paper are slightly below those of Archie, my drunken Chihuahua.

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  • Last but not least, let’s take a look at that font, shall we?  It’s very distinctive -I feel like I’ve seen it somewhere before.   Ah, I know!  There is one firm in town that uses this font for nearly every piece of garbage generated out of their office.  How about a side-by-side comparison?  Click on the image to see it more clearly:

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Note the attorney fees generated in the document on the right.  They were more than double those on the other side. Eleven lawyers billed on this case, to say nothing of the legal assistants, delivery folks, and “expert” witnesses, and it STILL isn’t over.

Psych-ops Done Poorly

There are few things more annoying to me than when someone lacking critical (or even mediocre) thinking skills tries to be clever.

It’s exhausting and embarrassing and I wish these people would just accept their own limitations and stick to what they know, whatever that may be.

I wrote about this here as it pertains to Trump’s lame insults:

If You Can’t Do it Right, Just Don’t.

This letter is a crude and clumsy attempt to manipulate the emotions of Mr. Patience and Understanding.  The writer tries (and fails spectacularly) in three poorly-constructed sentences to accomplish a variety of tasks.

  1. First is an attempt to create shame and worry by referring to me as an “embarrassment in the Portland community.”  Where is that community, anyway?  Do they have meetings?  Is there a community pool I can use?  The writer knows that Mr. Patience and Understanding, unlike the letter-writer, is a Portland local and enjoys high standing in our fair city.  I’m not bragging, that’s just the way it is.
  2. Next is an allegation that not only does everyone hate me, but especially the religious folks in town.  Perhaps the writer thought that would be especially concerning.
  3. Reference to my bar complaint fun is meant to also cause embarrassment because again, unlike the letter writer, Mr. P&U enjoys a very good reputation with the OSB and in the legal community.  The letter-writer is stupid enough to think this will bother him or come as some sort of shock to him despite the fact I write about my bar responses here on my blog.
  4. The “private conversations among your peers” is classic mean-girl grade school psych-ops meant to create feelings of insecurity.  “Everyone’s talking about you, Sally!  Everyone hates you and thinks you’re an ugly idiot!” At this point Sally runs away crying…wondering for weeks just who is “everyone” and what exactly they are saying about her.  Unhappily for the letter-writer, my husband is not a 10-year-old girl and isn’t quite so easily manipulated.  I should know – I try to manipulate him all the time but I still don’t have that Porsche I want.
  5. “Reflecting poorly on you and your professional judgment” is a classic attempt to imbue the reader with paranoia and professional worry.  By “classic,” I mean, “sad.”

A Few Other Observations:

  • I write about a variety of subjects, most commonly personal relationships and more specifically: divorce.  I don’t write about religion on a regular basis and yet this “PGC member” saw fit to write this letter based upon a joke about Catholic pedophiles I posted once.  Isn’t that interesting?  All the writing I’ve done over the past 2+ years but this joke was the catalyst for the letter.
  • There is no mention of the exposure I’ve done on the DICKs and their destructive methods.  Hmmm…that would be far too obvious, right?
  • Why would the letter-writer, a supposed PCG member, stalk my deeply disgusting and offensive Facebook page?  And if they did, why would they pick this one post to write to Mr. Patience and Understanding about?  I have put all sorts of things on Facebook that some could find offensive and yet it was just this one joke that they took the time to complain about.  If you haven’t checked out my Facebook pages, be sure to do that today!  My personal FB page can be found here: Robin’s Personal Page! and my writing page can be found here: Robin’s Writing Page!  Please “like” my writing page. I don’t purchase “likes” as do some sleazy divorce attorneys. It’s my birthday so not only should you like it, but you should share it too!
  • Portland Golf Club is a very selective place, as a certain partner at my favorite firm is aware.  With very few exceptions (for example: me) the club is filled with wonderful people who are upstanding members of the community.  In other words: there are no members who would write a letter like this.  If someone had a problem with another member, they would bring it up to management or the board.  As it pertains to me, that has never happened. Believe it or not, most folks out there like me!  Anyone with this sort of a personality (cowardly, ugly, and small) would never be admitted to the club.

The Joke 

Time is running out for me this morning: Mr. P&U is taking me golfing at PGC for my birthday.  It’s amazing he is still willing to be seen out there with me after this devastating letter, no?

Here’s the joke, or as the letter-writer stated, the “joke:”

A little boy is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying his eyes out. A priest approaches and says, “My child, why are you so upset?”

The little boy turns to him and says, “My mummy and daddy were in their car — and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there.”

The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says, “It’s just not your day, is it?”

Anyone with half a brain knows that isn’t a joke about pedophiles or child rape. It’s a deeply cutting observation on the devastating child sex abuse scandals of the Catholic Church.

Many of the children abused were the most vulnerable in society: the poor, the fatherless, the troubled.

That’s why the “joke” works: the child is as vulnerable as any can be, his parents dead just moments before, and the priest takes advantage of his horrible situation.

George Carlin was an expert at this stuff: exploring tragedy and mining it for social commentary delivered as comedy.

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You’d have to be a humorless moron to think that joke is meant to elicit laughter at the expense of the victims.  It is a criticism of the horrible abuse perpetrated against children by the clergy and the leadership of the Catholic Church.

The Man I Married Married Me

The letter-writer’s “divide and conquer” efforts, feeble and diaphanous, failed.

Did they think I married someone who is so disloyal to his wife that he’d be intimidated by this kind of garbage?  Or that I married a man weak enough to be swayed by an anonymous letter?  Do they think he is so shallow and insecure that he would take this seriously?

Did they forget he is a PGC board member, elected by his peers?  That he is a very successful and incredibly respected lawyer in this city?  Do they actually think he would be troubled by some coward writing a three-sentence letter and pretending to be a member of a club they could never get into?

He or she deeply underestimated the man as their Cheetos-stained fingers typed out that tripe in vain.

I suppose it’s possible over time people may find me so disagreeable that it reflects poorly on those around me.  However, I doubt that a man who has enjoyed the reputation he has for decades can see it destroyed over my writing.

Until that day comes, and until he is relegated to some shitty role in my organization in order to keep working (maybe collections?) we aren’t too worried about it.

As we read the letter and laughed, we tipped a glass of champagne in the writer’s honor.  He or she should be congratulated for managing to operate a computer and get themselves to and fro every day, because most people with that level of brain power are being cared for by others.

Happy birthday to me!

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PS: I do not KNOW who wrote this letter.  I just believe I know.  Please apply that reasoning to your reading today.

 

 

This Post Has 12 Comments

  1. Isaac Laquedem

    The second sentence of the letter is so tangled and ungrammatical that if I’d written it, I’d be so embarrassed that I wouldn’t sign my name to the letter either.

    1. Robin DesCamp

      Even funnier? The writer probably proofed and corrected it several times and had someone else look it over as well. It’s not exactly a think tank over there.

  2. ARTYATTY

    I finally sat down to read this with my coworkers and I must commend you. First, I know who wrote this, as do you. Second, the line about Mr. PU being forced to work for you in “collections” is a wicked observation that most people outside the Portland legal community won’t understand, but those of us who do, do. Third, happy birthday!

  3. Not a DICK

    I LOL’d my way through this. You’ve clearly continued to hit a nerve and unlike hitting that sweet spot on a dog where they start kicking their leg incessantly, you’ve hit a spot that turns utter rejects and social pariahs into creepy stalkers. If you need a bodyguard let’s get a hold of Kevin Costner.

    1. Robin DesCamp

      No bodyguard required, thanks. I could outrun any of the women there by walking as slow as I possibly can and the men are too frightened of me to try anything. What kind of a man stays at a place like that? One with serious mommy issues and the knowledge they could never be successful anywhere else.

  4. Pollyanna

    This is so stupid!! What exactly was it supposed to accomplish?

    She thinks Mr. P&U doesn’t read your blog, so she has to point him to it so he will read it, and then be ashamed of you, and then will both have the power to (and will exercise it) make you stop?

    She thinks he is desperately insecure, and the thought that a member of your golf club is judging him about your actions will upset him so much he will make you stop?

    And make you stop what? That’s the key, and why your conclusion about who the anonymous writer is makes so much sense. Your blog does two things consistently–you give good advice about human relations (and who can reasonably complain about that?) and you write about divorce. When you write about divorce, you are unforgiving of bad lawyering, lawyers who perpetuate litigation for their own benefit to the detriment of their clients, and specifically the DICKs. So pointing your well-manicured finger at their Cheeto-covered mitts makes perfect sense.

  5. Sometimes a Cigar

    Hey, wait!

    This must mean that no real PGC member came forward! You made a legally binding offer to donate $5,000 to the charity of choice of any PGC member who would reveal that he or she wrote this letter!

    Boy, not having the balls to confront you directly, sending this pathetic third-rate letter ANONYMOUSLY, and then not even being a member of the group she claims to be . . . These are signs of significant feelings of inadequacy, but feelings that are genuinely based in reality, those of a truly defective human being whose pain at haviving her shortcomings pointed out with regularity could only lead to this type of impotent tantrum.

    1. Robin DesCamp

      That is correct. The five thousand dollars remains securely in my rainy day account, along with the $25,000 I offered her cook when he alleged I had applied and been turned down for a job at that firm. That is the worst thing anyone has ever said about me! He also said I had been fired from another DICK firm for betraying client secrets – a total lie. So I challenged him to prove either allegation and keep upping the bidding but he ran away. Poor little fella – he didn’t know what he was getting into when she fed him that bullshit. He probably believed it and was pissed when she couldn’t come up with proof (because none exists) so he could collect his money and do some real cooking for a change.

      1. Isaac Laquedem

        Wouldn’t it have been even worse for your reputation if the cook had gone around town asserting that you’d been offered a job there?

        1. Robin DesCamp

          There you go again, making a very good point.

  6. BandarBush

    “Collections.”

    That’s funny.

    Rumor has it a complaint was drafted but never filed against a local lawyer by a former employee. The complaint included references to the collections department’s addiction to pornography, among other crazy accusations you’d never believe if they were leveled at anyone else. Shitting and making people accompany you in the bathroom? That’s not just weird that’s seriously sick.

    I don’t know your husband very well but I do know him by reputation and it remains as it has always been: stellar. As for his association with you, let’s just say there are plenty of men in this town stuck in unhappy marriages with women who have long since given up on life and treat their husbands poorly. These men probably look at Mr. P&U with admiration and envy. I know I do. Every time I see him he seems very happy and you surely deserve some of the credit. You seem like a kick in the pants and he’s lucky to have you.

    1. Robin DesCamp

      I’m lucky to have him. We are lucky to have each other. Our ten year anniversary is coming up and time has flown by. He is as busy as a lawyer can be and handling some very big cases so I won’t worry about his professional rep taking a hit from me. In fact, it was only after hooking up with your’s truly that he was elected to the American College of Trial Lawyers and to the PGC board, so clearly I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him. It’s all about meeeeeeeeee! I’m joking, of course. I have to assume he accomplished these things in spite of me. I do think the letter-writer has more than a passing familiarity with how a nasty and vile reputation can impact a spouse and how they are perceived, so this letter may have been a massive case of projection.

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