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Portland Politics, DICKs, and Fritz

Dear Readers:

What an exciting few days we’ve had here in the Rose City!  This is a good one so read on, my friends!

On Monday’s blog, I wrote about a pretend campaign for city council against “Nurse Amanda” Amanda Fritz threatened by Portland’s biggest DICK (Divorce Industrial Complex Kingpin, as if you didn’t know).  

You can refresh your recollection here:

Fritz v. DICKs?

Alas, this pretend campaign is not to be.  If you’d like to read the curious waste of bandwidth/unpaid (or was it?) advertising, click here:

Fake Campaign Officially Over Before it Started.

Here is her full statement

City Council Is Not For Me . . .
In October, my statements to Amanda Fritz that I was challenging her in the next election were not made in a fit of pique nor because I dislike her as a person. I was and remain concerned that Portland has problems that need to be solved in a more practical manner.

Since that time, I have been overwhelmed by the encouragement and expressions of support I have received from Portlanders across the city.

As I explored whether I wished to become a City Commissioner, I met amazing people who shared with me a love of Portland and a concern about our direction.
I have concluded, however, that I will not run.My decision was not about viability. There was great enthusiasm for my potential candidacy, with many people saying they would be eager to contribute. Like my opponent, I could have also self-funded a campaign. But there are so many better uses for that kind of money – especially for philanthropic work in the community.

At the end of the day, I realized that I am more of a problem-solver than a policy-maker, and the ability to solve problems for people in my current work is too important to me to abandon. The prospect of helping someone today is more exciting to me than working on issues that may come to fruition years down the road. That is not to say that I might not pursue public service at some point in the future. But for right now, I am doing the work I should be, from the position I should be doing it.

The irony is so thick you could choke on it. Let’s parse out this gobbledygook, shall we?

1. City Council Is Not For Me . . .

No, it isn’t for you.  

City Council positions cannot be purchased with your dirty money or stolen by force and attempts at intimidation.  

You would no sooner be elected in this city than you would be successful at completing charm school without incident or fitting comfortably into a Prius. 

2. In October, my statements to Amanda Fritz that I was challenging her in the next election were not made in a fit of pique nor because I dislike her as a person. 

That’s actually true.  

Those statements were made in a petulant and bullying fit of rage borne from your inability to control someone, especially another woman.  You are horrid to nearly everyone you come into contact with, but you save the worst of your worst for women.

Also, nobody cares whether or not you dislike Fritz, including Fritz.  Don’t flatter yourself.

3. I was and remain concerned that Portland has problems that need to be solved in a more practical manner.

How on earth would a person with your approach to family litigation solve anything, much less in a practical manner?  

You are famous for file-churning and long, drawn-out cases.  I suppose you are very practical indeed, if the question at hand is how you can afford your Bentleys and your beach houses.  If we are looking at doing “practical” client work, you fail utterly unless the client’s goal is to piss away all their money and create a toxic family environment.

4. Since that time, I have been overwhelmed by the encouragement and expressions of support I have received from Portlanders across the city.

That’s a hoot.

Were the overwhelming expressions of encouragement and support reflected by your $161 in campaign donations?  Or by all the people coming forward publicly and encouraging you to run?

You are so like Donald Trump that it’s frightening.

Everyone likes me! Everyone wants me to run! 

You apparently believe (or professes to, anyway) the EXACT OPPOSITE of what is true.

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5. As I explored whether I wished to become a City Commissioner, I met amazing people who shared with me a love of Portland and a concern about our direction.

Not long after you announced your fake campaign via free advertising with the help of two local journalists, you left the city and spent a full month touring Europe.  

I’m sure your trip was quite lovely, albeit financed by the salty tears of young children and their pets, but how exactly did you meet amazing people concerned about Portland during that time?

Your relationship with honesty would make you a great politician; I will give you that.

6. I have concluded, however, that I will not run.

And thus you have deprived your favorite writer from a vast and rich source of comedy material.  

Damn you, Jody!

7. My decision was not about viability. There was great enthusiasm for my potential candidacy, with many people saying they would be eager to contribute.

Please see point #4 above.  You so Trumpy, gurl!

8. Like my opponent, I could have also self-funded a campaign. 

That is correct.  Forty years of stuffing families into that meat grinder you call a legal practice have been extremely lucrative.  

While Fritz could have campaigned using the money she received in life insurance when her husband died in a terrible wreck, you could pay for your campaign using money from your methods that kill the souls of your clients and their families in the terrible wrecks caused by your “practice style.”  

In other words, both campaigns would be financed with Misery Money.  So you have that in common, which is nice!

I see you refer to Fritz as your “opponent.”  If that doesn’t sum you up nicely I don’t know what does.  She is not your “opponent,” she is a woman who had the guts to run and put in the work.  You don’t and you didn’t, so you have not earned the right to call her your “opponent.”  But that is how you see everyone, isn’t it?  Everyone is your opponent.  

9. But there are so many better uses for that kind of money – especially for philanthropic work in the community.

Now this one really pissed me off.

Your “non-profit” Child Centered Solutions is currently being investigated. Taking in close to a million dollars in donations while providing little-to-no services or grants to those you claim to want to help is sketchy at best and a tax-dodge at worst.

The whole city is watching this one, because this “non-profit” has been laughed and wondered at since its inception.  There will be blog on this later, my darling readers, so stay tuned.

10. At the end of the day, I realized that I am more of a problem-solver than a policy-maker, and the ability to solve problems for people in my current work is too important to me to abandon. 

You are either too stupid to realize the enormity of this lie or you have actually bought your own bullshit.  Please seek help immediately, because again, your similarities to Trump are striking.

You do not help people.  You hurt people.

11. The prospect of helping someone today is more exciting to me than working on issues that may come to fruition years down the road.

Translation from Jody-speak into Dweller-in-Reality-speak:

The prospect of continuing to bills clients into bankruptcy, sue them using my husband as my lawyer, and encouraging toxic relationships between co-parents is more exciting to me than the certain humiliation I would suffer if I ran for city council (because the parking at my Class D office space sucks) and received no votes outside my tiny, Stockholm-suffering circle of friends.

And finally, we have this lovely nugget of stinking dog shit on a hot sidewalk:

12. That is not to say that I might not pursue public service at some point in the future. But for right now, I am doing the work I should be, from the position I should be doing it.

Nice word salad.  Did Palin proof that for you?

Advice for Jody

If you really want to help the community, consider closing what is left of your rapidly-dwindling firm and move back to Prineville.

Maybe Brad Miller of the Milwaukie Country Club and Laurel Hook of the Diversion Agreement could start their own hateful little family-wrecking firm together. I can see the advertising now:

HOOK & MILLER:
Same shit, different day!

We were trained well by the best, and you can rest assured if you retain our firm, you will receive the most creative representation in town.

Other lawyers may bill you at a reasonable rate, but we will bill you double that rate and provide you at least two attorneys at every chance we can get. Our administrative assistants are amazing, and their cover letters are so impressive that we will bill you for 18 minutes of partner time and affix our own signature to brilliant work such as this:

“Dear Victim,
Enclosed is a copy of the judge’s order compelling you to produce that discovery we keep trying to hide.”

Did we lose your case? That’s OK, we will appeal that loss!

Did we lose your appeal? That’s OK – we will seek attorney fees for you, even though we can’t possibly win!  And when we lose that motion, we will appeal, just to show you how much we care.

There is literally no end to our representation of you – when you hire Hook and Miller you hire attorneys for life.

Hook and Miller will also continue the time-honored tradition of suing our clients for outrageous fees after we bill you into bankruptcy, and as an added bonus we will charge our time for filing that lawsuit and preparing for the hearing, mediation, or arbitration!

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

If we lose our lawsuit against you and an arbitrator or judge rules that we owe you money, and not the other way around, we will continue to bill you for the money you don’t owe us, PLUS interest!

And as if all that weren’t enough, partner Laurel Hook comes with a special double-secret probation agreement with the Oregon State Bar, called a “Diversion Agreement.”

Hook and Miller:

The Evil Queen of Misery may have moved on, but we continue her life’s work destroying families and over-billing clients.

See our website where you can “apply to be a client,” meaning you better have serious money if you want us to take on your case.

PS: Well-crafted legal arguments cost extra. Please see your fee agreement for details.

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PS: Don’t forgot to share!

This Post Has 19 Comments

  1. Train Wreck

    The sheer lack of self-awareness of this woman and her pathetic/desperate cling-ons (I realize this isn’t Star Trek but the phrase fits), is disgusting. Everyone professionally or socially related to her and her firm maintain the clingy relationship because they think they have something to gain from the relationship and are likely so unpopular they couldn’t get a job or fake friendship elsewhere.

    They are farm league attorneys at best, and C level local “celebrities” and wealth whores no one outside of Downtown Portland and the West Hills cares about. The efforts of this firm and its founder to maintain a business and some sort of relevancy reminds me of an old, haggard porn star trying for that last big film. It’s terrible to watch, and ultimately very sad.

    1. Pam

      Thanks for the visual. I’m on a diet and my lunch was just thrown in the trash.

      1. Robin DesCamp

        I agree. This is now my go-to visual when I am considering eating something I shouldn’t. Anyone out there want to create a meme?

    2. Robin DesCamp

      Dear Train Wreck,
      As a lifelong dweller in those West Hills, I can tell you that she is absolutely loathed in those circles. I was at the Arlington Club the evening of the day she made her fake “announcement” and the chatter was loud and adamant: not only were these captains of industry pledging their votes to Amanda Fritz, who most of them think is left of Bernie Sanders, but they were promising to donate large amounts to her campaign.

      When I lived in the same neighborhood as this monster, she was reviled and known for being a horrible pet owner. The only people who have anything to do with her are still nursing grudges against their ex-spouse. These are people who simply cannot move on past their divorce: pathetic and bitter and desperate to have someone hate their ex along with them. That person is Jody.

      Don’t even get me started on her in-house bill collector. How does someone fall so far in professional circles as to focus his practice solely on suing her former clients?

      I like your term “farm league attorneys.” It’s funny, as Ricky Gervais would say, because it’s true.

      1. Sara Genta

        Amen. When I heard the name, I relieved the awful treatment by these women during divorce court. Local attorneys refer to someone as Captain Hook. Insert favorite emoticon here.

  2. Allison

    Robin:
    I will put it plainly to you:

    You. Are. Fucking. Awesome.

    Signed,
    A Victim of Today’s Blog Topic

    1. Robin DesCamp

      Why, thank you!

  3. Robin DesCamp

    (This was messaged to me through FB a few minutes ago):
    It’s a good one today but man are you ratcheting up the rhetoric – I love that you’re poking the tiger(s) but at some point I worry they’re going to fight back in some horrible way.

    1. Robin DesCamp

      Professionally and personally they can’t touch me. Bodily harm? I don’t think even Jody would go that far, but if she did I’m pretty sure the cops would know who to talk to first.

      I get this so often, including this morning from one of her former clients who is seriously worried about me getting hurt. I’m not worried, so nobody else should be.

      After all, Sea World didn’t put a hit out on the makers of “Blackfish.” And make no mistake about it, this is my “Blackfish.” I will put an end to atrocious lawyering to the best of my ability.

  4. Pam

    My ex has no concept of the screwing he is getting by this firm, even as it is being shoved in his face with loss after loss. Talk about Stockholm syndrome. We are talking about a smart man, a capable man, who has become brainwashed by this “team.” When he wakes up I hope he asks me to forgive him, but I’m not holding my breath.

    1. Robin DesCamp

      I would really love to hear a follow-up from you. Please email me at robin@robindescamp.com.

  5. Edwin LaGrange

    Portland could certainly do without Jody Stahancyk in any capacity. Nice article, Robin!!

  6. onehsancare

    You left off the pearls!

    I, too, worry that you’re going to get hurt. Watch your back. These aren’t nice people.

    1. Robin DesCamp

      Ah, the pearls. Those that have no pearls of wisdom force their employees to wear the fakes. Can you imagine working in an environment in which the boss dresses you like her own personal doll in yet one more way to sublimate your soul and personality? You do know that that is one of the traits of a cult, right? That and the many other traits she exemplifies. That needs to be an entirely separate blog, come to think of it.

  7. Bulli-vent

    Steve English called: he would like a word with you in his office.

    Be sure not to go near any cliffs with him if he’s on that Hawaii trip.

    1. Robin DesCamp

      Steve English loves me. He may pretend not to, even to himself sometimes, but he does. He cannot deny his true feelings for me of warmth, admiration, and respect for speaking truth to (dwindling) power. In case you aren’t sure, read this: Steve and Robin Go Way Back.

  8. Electra

    Well.. Where to begin. In all trutfulness, when divorce was raised, I called one white shoe firm after another and was told my husband bought an hour of their time and they couldn’t represent me. A friend recommended Jody. I had never heard of her. When I called, she said she couldn’t represent me and I quickly found out why; the husband decided to go for the jugular and she was the Big Dog.
    Her female junior did all the dirty work including convincing a longtime friend of ours to testify that
    I was a person who was not truthful and of questionable character. (when this friend was dying of cancer two years later, she begged my forgiveness and said she had been pressured to do it.)
    Jody also subpoenaed my psychiatric records .. the only place I felt safe to talk after the death of my grandson) Jody made that available to the husband. Ted Runstein was my attorney but ended up giving Jody information detrimental to me because “she was going to find out sooner than later” I fired him. Ultimately, she agreed to put off limits some unsavory behavior of my husband and I agreed; the first day of court, she wrote a pre-trial memo to the judge accusing ME of the same thing ..which wasn’t true . At one point during the hearing, the female judge called both lawyers into chambers and excoriated my lawyer for not giving me adequate counsel !! Eventually my husband spent high six figures and I got close to that and it went to mediation !! I begged him from the beginning not to give our money to the lawyers . She did him a solid however. She introduced him to one of her clients who he later married ! He died two years later having cashed line of credit checks with my name on it for 40 thousand dollars.. Guess who the bank came after ? Jody is a malodeous lump of crap.

    1. Electra

      Make that malodorous ! 👹👹👹

  9. Cliff - liberated former employee

    Holy shit that is some funny stuff! It is definitely shameful that we will all miss out on the potential comedy material you could pull out of Jody Stahancyk running for city council!! Especially the part where she calls it “public service”. Too fucking funny Jody. It has been officially confirmed now that the substance that excessively fills and bulges her clothing is the most horrid, foul, and disgusting brand of pig shit that exists. Definitely worth having a good laugh at though! I told you already Jody, NO ONE, I repeat, NO ONE who knows you has any genuine respect for you. Maybe you don’t really care because I also find it hard to believe you expect everyone to be stupid enough to buy your pathetic shit. You seriously need to do EVERYONE you are involved with a huge favor and retire from destroying your own destructive creation! Did I confuse you? The rest of us however would surely miss reading about you, I get some good laughs while taking a dump. You are a joke and you are clearly too stupid to realize it, just like everyone still hung up at that firm. You will all understand when you see from the other side. And the last thing I will say is that Robin is in no way in danger of anything. Jody Stahancyk is the one who makes enemies and should probably be watching over HER shoulder. There is not a fucking thing they can do to her for telling only the truth. Truth sucks huh Jody?

Comments are closed.