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Shaving Years on a Dating Website

Dear Robin:

I am a 64 year widow. I am ready to start dating but I’ve got a problem before I even start.

My daughter suggested a dating site so I’ve begun the process of setting up a profile with her help. Last week we got into a debate and she suggested we toss it over to you. By the way, I made her a huge fan so you’re welcome!

My question: is it ok to shave a few years off on a dating profile? I don’t want to brag but I’ve kept myself in great shape and just between us girls had a little work done. I’m attaching a photo. Most people think I am in my early-to-mid- 50s.

I think it’s a bad idea but my daughter says some men will balk at dating a woman over 60 so I should list my age around 56-58. She says most men are dating younger women and this is just part of the baiting process and once they get to know me they won’t care.

She also said I can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, which was sort of hurtful.

OK, wise sage, what do you say?

Janice

Dear Janice:

Thank you for turning your daughter onto my blog. I always love to get new readers, especially ones who so clearly will be sending me loads of letters in the future.

I say that because your daughter has a tenuous relationship with honesty, which is such an important characteristic that this will certainly lead to plenty of problems in her life. Please have her put my email address in her “favorites” folder and my phone number on her speed dial.

In deference to my good friend Arlene, who over cocktails recently told me I tend towards verbosity, I’ll keep this short.

But first, let’s talk about me!

I was on Match.com for a while after my divorce. Man, what a trip.

Dating Sites: Good News, Bad News

The bad news is I went out with a lot of creeps.  

During the few short months I swam in the murky Match pool I discovered that people on dating sites lie, and they lie both creatively and prolifically. Dating site contestants in the game of Score-a-Mate lie like mercenary divorce lawyers who claim to foster “child centered solutions.”

These people lie about stupid things like their age and they lie about important things, like whether or not they have children or are still married. Or separated.

Many men I dated on Match.com lied, including one who was still very much married and living at home (no wonder he didn’t have his picture up!) and one who had three children versus the none he listed on his profile.

I also dated a man who claimed to be 6 years younger than he was. To his credit, he was very handsome and could easily pass for his Fantasy Age.

To his deficit, he was a public figure whose age was easily discovered via the Google Machine. Adding to the hilarity: his job was to be the lead spokesperson for an entity that often had terrible PR problems.

In other words: the man whose credibility was essential to his very public position was lying about his age in a fairly public forum.

The good news about Match is I gathered data for hilarious blogs and cocktail party stories, and isn’t that what life is all about?

I’ve digressed a bit. Sorry, Arlene.

Back to you, Janice.

Your daughter is probably right that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, so if it’s a fly you want to date then by all means do whatever is necessary.

You know what else flies are attracted to, right?

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The comparison of your age to vinegar (“bad”) as opposed to honey (good) is downright offensive, and I am a hard woman to offend.

Your years on this earth spent working, taking great care of yourself, loving your family, and raising your children is what made you into the interesting, active, attractive and vivacious young/old woman you are today.

Your age should be celebrated, not masked in a lie. You are fabulous!

You don’t want a fly. A horse’s ass doesn’t want a fly.

As for the “baiting” process, if it’s a fish you seek I suggest your local fishmonger but I rather doubt you intend to take a fish to your next charity fundraiser. I don’t mean to carp but you cod do better, so take the oppor-tuna-ty to stop being koi and find your sole mate!

At least mullet over.

 

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You also don’t want a man who would date you if he thought you were 58 but not if you are over 60. That man’s depth is comparable to the tear I shed when I found out Archie the Drunken Chihuahua’s likely lifespan is at least nine more years.

You want a fully-formed human man that won’t immediately discount women over a certain age. You want a fun, intelligent partner to spend time with and with whom to explore the next phase of your life.

You want a man who would find the idea of lying about his age or anything else at the very outset of a relationship unthinkable, because if someone is lying to you before you even meet, how likely is it they will be truthful with you during any relationship that may develop?

Advice (let’s finally get to it, shall we?)

  • Be honest about your age.
  • Be honest with your photos.
  • Be careful and be safe. STDs are on the rise in your demographic. Thanks, Viagra!
  • Have fun.
  • Expect nothing.
  • Be open to everything. Well, maybe not everything.

Please report back and let me know how you are doing. Best of luck!

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This Post Has One Comment

  1. Isaac Laquedem

    One reason for Janice not to lie about her age is that when Mr. Right discovers that she lied about her age, he’ll mistrust everything else she’s said about herself. Her age lie would, in the words of A.P. Herbert, be “like the thirteenth stroke of a crazy clock, which not only is itself discredited but casts a shade of doubt over all previous assertions.” Far better to tell the truth about the passage of time, in every sense.

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