I bet you thought this day would never come. Today I address one of the most disturbing questions I’ve received – a question that demanded a good deal of thought and research and thus more time than usual.
In addition, there have been a few developments I will detail below.
Herewith to refresh your recollection on the original inquiry:
I am going through what is best described as pure hell. My wife filed for a divorce and when I didn’t bend over immediately and agree to all her demands, things got ugly.
As I type these words to you I still cannot believe this is happening to me. She and her lawyer have recently accused me of physically and sexually assaulting my daughter. Words cannot describe the horror of these accusations which are absolutely false.
My wife hinted that her lawyer is an “expert” in these tactics and if I would just agree to their proposal all this would go away.
I am now being investigated by the police and the state and I know they will find nothing because I have done nothing wrong but in the meantime it is all I can think about. My girlfriend is an attorney and she suggests suing my wife once all this is over for the false claims, defamation, and whatever else we can think of.
What would you do? And do you think I need a criminal defense lawyer?
Thank you for trusting me with this question and keeping me up to date on recent happenings. I want to clear up a few things for the readers:
- You were contacted by the police but that was some time ago and as far as you know the matter has been dropped as there was zero evidence of abuse. Apparently the accusation leveled against you was based upon a bruise and minor injury your daughter received while in your care from falling off a play structure and witnesses attested to that.
- You mentioned being investigated by “the state” and by that you meant child services. However, you just emailed me to tell me the investigation has been completed and, like the police, they found no evidence of abuse.
- Your divorce, previously grinding at a glacial pace, suddenly picked up. Two days after you were cleared by child services in your state, your ex made a settlement offer. Suddenly she’s not so keen on going to court.
First Things First: I Ain’t Yer Lawyer
One of the reasons I hesitated to answer your question too quickly is because it posed several legal issues. I can speak about those issues generally but need to consider the line between opining and offering legal advice. Lest you think I’ve crossed it, I’d like to remind you I’m not your lawyer.
Please click here immediately to read my disclaimer: Hey Cheapskate! If You Want a Lawyer, Hire One!
What Would Robin Do?
This was a very difficult question to answer. My empathy chip is much more active than the average humanoid and I have a keen ability to put myself in the shoes of others when considering their problems.
Your shoes were different.
I simply cannot imagine having a relationship so destroyed that someone I used to love would seek advantage against me in a custody proceeding through this sort of calumniation. I write about terrible divorces and evil DICKS (Divorce Industrial Complex Kingpins) all the time, but this behavior is truly the worst of the worst.
Let’s break this down into what I would do based upon the specific questions you asked regarding retaining a criminal attorney and possible legal action against your ex.
Should I Hire a Criminal Lawyer?
Although it would appear the false charges your shitty ex and her cunning lawyer leveled against you have been shut down, I would not rest easy at this point. Those who are willing to sink so low are also willing to grab a shovel and dig a little deeper when it suits them.
I won’t reveal where you live but will tell the readers I’ve emailed you a list of top criminal defense attorneys in your city. I suggest investing a little time and money in a consult with one of these lawyers.
Should I Take Legal Action Against My Ex?
It’s tempting and facile to fall into the downward spiral of conflict your ex and her attorney have started, but I urge you to resist and go in an opposite direction.
I know that answer may surprise some of you, especially coming from a woman who in my former life had more in common with Mozart’s Bartolo…
Revenge, oh, sweet revenge
is a pleasure reserved for the wise,
to forgo shame, outrage
is base and utter meanness.
With astuteness, with cleverness,
with discretion, with judgment,
it’s possible…The matter is serious;
but, believe me, it shall be done.
(The Marriage of Figaro)
…than Martin Luther King, Jr.
Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.
You told me last week your ex suffers from depression and is a very gullible person who changed almost overnight when she hired this DICK. You told me yesterday she now seems remorseful and is considering firing her lawyer. This is wonderful news so do not compound your troubles by seeking retribution.
I am not absolving your wife for her part in this despicable lie, but I’ll remind you what is most important here:
Your daughter is best served by you and your ex doing your best to forge a workable co-parenting relationship.
I know you must be extremely angry right now but to continue this battle by initiating legal action against her would be pouring salt on a wound that could instead begin to heal.
Tell your lawyer girlfriend to chill out and put your energy into the future, not the past. Work your ass off to get this divorce finalized now that your ex has apparently seen the errors of her ways and keep pushing for the equal parenting time you deserve.
Forgive your ex. Unless and until she tries something like this again treat her as if it never happened.
As for the DICK:
Report That Shit – Pronto
I strongly urge you to file a complaint against your ex’s DICK to your state bar. Before you do that, contact the bar and request a copy of the DICK’s complaint file. If you see similar allegations of false abuse claims in the file, use them to bolster your grievance.
Contact those complainants and see if they’d be willing to talk to you and share their experiences. At the least you would have others with whom you could commiserate.
At best, you could prove a pattern of unethical behavior that could get the lawyer sanctioned.
Yeah, that’s probably not going to happen. The bar protects its own, not the consumers. Still, you never know.
Please keep in contact with me so I can follow your case and update the readers. I’m so sorry this happened to you but you know what they say:
That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
And with that trite old expression, I’ll be on my way.