Welcome to Friday Feedback, our weekly evacuation of the blog’s bladder and sniffing for either asparagus pee-like condemnation or the pellucidity of positivity resulting from properly hydrated writing.
Today is a good one so read on, my friends!
Look, Ma! I helped someone!
My favorite feedback is from my advice-seekers, and merely an hour after posting Med Students in Love (in which our sad Michelle was grappling with the reality of her relationship’s demise, banging away at CPR long after rigor mortis set in) I got this email from her:
I very much appreciate your advice. It was honest and eye-opening. Thank you very much.
I already suspected this gal had big brains in there somewhere because she attends YaleMotherFuckingMedicalSchool, but her message confirmed that to me.
I think Michelle is going to be just fine, don’t you?
Not everyone understands satire.
Next up we have “Chris,” someone who just doesn’t get me. I received this email in response to My Friend Isn’t Racist but She Tells Racist Jokes:
Your blog today was offensive on so many levels I don’t even know where to start. Racist, homophobic and stupid: those are the words I’d use to describe the trash you put on the internet today. Get another calling because you aren’t suited for what you’re trying to do now.
Sometimes I wonder when I get something like this how people so profoundly retarded (threw that one in there just for you, Chris!) manage to power up their computers and send me their messages. Did someone smarter and more capable (their cat, maybe?) help them do it?
Chris, I’ll have you know I have three black lesbian friends, so I can’t possibly be a racist homophobe. Now please ask your caregiver to unplug your computer for a while, put you on your leash and take you for a walk. I think you need some fresh air and exercise.
And then came Sara.
Sara is a bored rich woman who, when not playing tennis and sunning herself in Palm Springs, likes to troll my Facebook page so she can become upset, offended and quite kerfuffled over my writing.
A few days ago Sara was in a lather because I posted this hilarious story on Facebook about yet another right-wing Christian fanatical politician claiming that Christians are being persecuted in America. Along with the post, I noted:
The GOP is starting to look like a group of Hilary Clinton operatives, because they are each doing their level best to get her elected.
Between this woman and Dr. Ben “ObamaCare is the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery” Carson and all the other idiots piling out of the GOP clown car, old Hillary is a shoe-in.
By the way, Carson proves you don’t have to have a brain to be a brain surgeon. Who would have thunk it?
This did not sit well with Sara, who without irony repeatedly accused me of “character assassination”and “one-dimensional research” after she labeled Hillary Clinton a “slimy grifter” who “stole expensive pieces from the White House.”
She also was upset that I later posted quotes that actually came out of the Ted Cruz and Rand Paul word holes because again, that is “character assassination.”
It went on and on that way, with me asking her who she supports for the Republican nomination and why, and with poor Sara unable to muster any thoughts beyond calling the Clintons names.
In Sara’s defense I’m not a Clinton fan either, which is precisely why my original post bemoaned the lack of good Republicans to choose from thus far. Sara didn’t want to have that conversation, however. She flittered away, off for a doubles match and a martini, but returned with a vengeance just a few short days later!
Sara is unhappy with Robin: Version 2.0.
I was happy to have her back. I had missed her so! We aren’t even Facebook friends so I was honored to see Sara monitoring my page and responding to yet another post. She likes me; she really likes me!
On that day Sara found herself in a pouty snit because I dared say some absolutely true things about a divorce lawyer with whom she enjoys a positive relationship.
This lawyer was proud to announce he had recently been named one of the Top 10 DICKS (Divorce Industrial Complex Kingpins) under 40 in Oregon by the Royal Academy of Assholes, also known as the National Academy of Family Law Attorneys.
My reaction was to share my experiences with him, including that he had sought my parents’ wills in a case that had nothing to do with me, unless you believe a second spouse and her parents(!) should be obligated to care for and feed Spouse #1.
There was a hell of a lot more I could have shared but didn’t. Please don’t misunderstand me as I wasn’t being kind, but instead saving the really good stuff for the book.
Anyhoo, along came Sara with some thoughtful words:
Wow, yet another character assassination. (Redacted) is a great guy— –I’ve known him since he was a kid. He works for a ball-busting law firm and is probably doing his job well- —which means those on the other side won’t like it. This pile on is unwarranted and mean… Starting to see a pattern here R.D.
Isn’t it cute how she calls me “R.D.” in that condescending way, as if we are old friends and she is concerned for my wellbeing?
By the way Sara, “pile-on” is hyphenated, one dash is more than enough, and you don’t capitalize the word that follows an ellipses. Have they stopped teaching English at the Pampered Bitch Academy?
Don’t you have a tennis game to get to? Also, you keep using that phrase “character assassination.” It does not mean what you think it means.
But thanks for visiting my page so often. I’m flattered, since we aren’t even FB friends!
Also, “ball-busting firm” LOL – you are totally part of the problem if you think that is the way to handle divorce. I pity your ex, be he current or future.
Some people enjoy hoisting themselves upon their own petard, am I right?
And there you have it, Ladies and Germs, Sara’s perspective on what divorce should look like.
It’s Sara, and everyone else like her, who can take credit for my book How to Get Divorced Without Losing Your Kids, Your Money and Your Mind: a Holistic and Practical Guide to Marital Dissolution and Family Reorganization because without that poisonous mindset and my goal to change it I wouldn’t have this book to write.
Thanks, Sara! I’d ask you to come play with me again, but in your infinite courage and willingness to stand up for what you believe in, you blocked me on Facebook.
You can’t poke the bear and run away, my dear. I don’t play that game.