Friday Feedback: It’s Getting Hot in Here!

Dear Readers:

Oh boy!  There is so much to tell you!

The book is almost done.  I am this close to wrapping it up and putting my first paper baby to bed.  

I Would Like to Thank the Academy…

How to Get Divorced Without Losing Your Kids, Your Money and Your Mind: a Holistic and Practical Guide to Marital Dissolution and Family Reorganization has been a true labor of love that could not have happened without the following people:

1. Mr. Patience and Understanding, a.k.a. Tom (happy belated birthday, my love!).  His support, confidence in me, and groovy kind of love forms the foundation of my life and efforts to build this new career;

2. The Canary in a Coal Mine, a.k.a. Patrick. I could not do without my former husband and forever baby daddy’s friendship and expert parenting of our son; 

3. The Pistol, a.k.a. Patrick’s wife Crista.  Her openness to join the dance of our wacky little family and be such a wonderful stepmother (I hate that word: let’s come up with another) to my son gives me hope for womankind;

4. Sprout, a.k.a. Jake.  My boy turns 14 next week.  His arrival transformed my own birthday from April 8, 1969 to June 9, 2001: the day I truly was born and learned just how powerful love can be.  

He makes me laugh, cry, and look at the world in wonder from the perspective of a young adult who doesn’t realize just yet how awful we all can be to each other.  Last but not least;

5. My favorite DICKs*: the despicable, desperate, disastrous and divisive divorce attorneys who provided more inspiration and material for this book and my efforts in divorce reform than they can ever know.  

As I sift through the bar complaints and dozens of emails from their former clients replete with horror stories that often defy belief, I am reminded why I am on this mission and writing this book:

I want to help people.  Divorce does not have to destroy you.

So What Else is Happening?

Speaking of helping people, I’ve been inundated with mediation requests.  I’ll be opening up a mediation business as soon as the book is finished and my business plan is pretty simple:

I don’t get paid if I can’t settle your case.

Mr. Patience and Understanding questions this approach, probably because I keep promising to buy him a fancy sports car when I hit the Big Time and he was disappointed not to see it in the driveway for his birthday yesterday.

However, I know I’m that good – I’ll get paid plenty.  

I’ve handled multiple cases in just the past few weeks (free of charge) while simultaneously writing this blog and my book.  In each and every instance the parties came to an amicable agreement.  

As it turns out, a few had no idea how close they were to settling their cases.  How odd that their lawyers never told them that.

Finally, today finds me drafting a formal proposal for a television show that will be read by a very successful producer. My concept is under wraps for now but I have high hopes for this one and serious interest!

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“But Robin, I Thought Today is Friday Feedback!  Where’s the Feedback?”

Fine.  Sorry for the tangent.

I am always grateful to receive feedback from a letter-writer seeking advice.  This week I received two happy customer emails!

The first was from Karen, who lamented how to handle her bitch of a mom and whether to hire a virtual surrogate in Rent-a-Mom?

Robin:
Thanks for taking on my question. And wow, you’ve given me a totally different perspective on my daughter’s relationship with her. I DO NOT want her to think this is normal.  

So….maybe I should go volunteer at a nursing home and talk to all the nice ladies while ignoring the mean ones.

I love the idea of Karen volunteering at a nursing home, don’t you?  

Depending upon security camera placement and opportunities for isolation away from the prying eyes of others, Karen might even be able to exact a little revenge-by-proxy on some of the most disagreeable women at the Old Folks Garbage Dump, also known as a nursing home.

Next we have Paul: the man seeking advice about his abusive wife and how divorce may affect his kids in Stayed When I Shouldn’t Have.

As I read what you wrote and the comments that followed I was ashamed of myself.  You are right: this isn’t just about me it’s about how this environment is affecting my kids.  I am seeking help from a professional therapist for all of us and a lawyer too.  

Paul, I am so glad you are taking the steps necessary to start a new life without verbal and physical abuse.  Don’t be ashamed of yourself; be proud you have found the courage for change. 

Even without the abusive elements present in a deeply troubled marriage, the children are not well-served by a couple miserably slogging through the years, praying secretly for a tragic car accident that rids them of a spouse they do not have the courage to divorce.

That’s a question I often ask people who are considering leaving, by the way.  It looks like this:

Imagine you got a phone call from the police telling you your wife/husband was killed instantly in a car accident in which nobody else was hurt.  What is your immediate reaction?  

  1. Grief and despair over the loss of your spouse
  2. Relief the marriage is over and not only did you not have to deal with a divorce and split the assets but you nailed a tidy life insurance payout as well.  Win/win!
  3. Grief and despair that their death was instantaneous and not painfully drawn out for days

Numbers 2 and 3 are the answer more often than not and when I hear that I’m fairly convinced the relationship is dead, along with the spouse in the hypothetical.

I’m Outta Here!

I’m off to finish my television proposal so I can enjoy a Friday round of golf with Mr. Patience and Understanding.  We are extending his birthday for the entire weekend to make up for the lack of fancy car in the driveway.

Don’t worry Baby, it’s happening!

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*Divorce Industrial Complex Kingpin, as if you don’t know by now!