Tomorrow begins the first installment of “Anatomy of a Disaster.”
This series will explore a divorce from beginning to end and beyond (because some divorces never end if shitty lawyers are doing their jobs right!) and the players: some of whom made it as ugly, contentious, and expensive as possible.
Today I will introduce the characters. Please keep this list handy.
I have changed the names of the divorcing parties and their family members.
Anatomy of a Disaster: Main Cast of Characters
- “Sarah Morris:” wife and mother of two children.
- “Sam/Samantha Morris:” transgender husband and father of two children who made the decision during the marriage to transition to female. During the course of the series I will refer to dad as “Sam” prior to his transition and “Samantha” for events occurring after his transition.
- “Chris Morris:” eldest child/son.
- “Katie Morris:” daughter.
- Laurel Hook: main lawyer for Sam/Samantha, although Laurel is apparently so incompetent she requires at least ten additional attorneys working on this case at any given time. Hook will also be referred to as “Captain Hook” or “Hooker with a Heart of Shit” depending upon my mood when I am writing.
- Stahancyk, Kent & Hook (SKH): notorious and rapidly-shrinking DICK (Divorce Industrial Complex Kingpins) Portland firm.
- Brett Engel: lawyer for Sarah and one of only a very few Portland divorce lawyers to whom I will refer people (unless I hate them, in which case I refer them to SKH).
- Rick Saturn: attorney appointed for children.
- Beth Allen: plaintiff’s attorney-turned-family court judge sitting on bench for just over a year when this case began.
- Albert Menashe: divorce lawyer and “expert” witness in fee petition hearing testifying on behalf of Samantha. Another Portland DICK.
- Robert Demary: partner to Albert Menashe who originally agreed to testify on behalf of Sarah as her expert in the fee petition hearing but who backed out at the last minute.
- Peter Diamond: divorce lawyer and expert witness in fee petition hearing testifying on behalf of Sarah.
- Dr. Terletzky: family therapist preferred by children and mom.
- Darla Harrison: family therapist preferred by dad/Samantha.
- “Aspirational” Parenting Plan: squishy hopes put to paper.
- Oregon State Bar: an organization dedicated to the proposition that protecting lawyers, and not clients, is Job #1.
- Darren Karr: former client of Laurel Hook who filed complaint against Hook with Oregon State Bar.
- Martha Hicks: Oregon State Bar Counsel.
- Linn Davis: Oregon State Bar Assistant General Counsel
- Hook Diversion Agreement: a document Hook entered into with the Oregon State Bar spelling out prohibited conduct such as that she engaged in during and after her representation of Darren Karr. If Hook is successful obeying the rules of the 18-month Diversion Agreement, signed in late August of 2015, the prohibitions on cheating clients will be lifted and the incident will not appear on her disciplinary record.
- Brad Tellam: friend of the SKH firm and Laurel Hook babysitter under the Diversion Agreement.
- Arthur Saito: partner to Laurel and co-babysitter under the Diversion Agreement.
- “Carrie Smith:” sister of Sarah Morris.
- Robin DesCamp: blogger extraordinaire.
- A bottle of vodka: owed to me but never delivered.
- Archie the Drunken Chihuahua: My rescue dog.
The deeper I get into this thing the more I realize it will be a long series, so rather than write about it every day until it is finished, I will be posting it intermittently along with the regular advice blogs and political rants.
In addition, the case isn’t even over yet. More on that later, but this is the kind of divorce DICKs dream of: one they can parlay into years of work at the expense of their client, the family, the courts, and the concept of justice.